“Where is Captain David Miscavige’s missing wife Shelly Miscavige?“
“This is a question no one is allowed to ask upon pain of death,” declared Comrade Dr. Frank Wonderman, CO of Ethics and Image.
“If Captain David Miscavige has locked up his wife in a Scientology religious prison in order to engage in an adulterous extramarital affair with Laurisse Henley-Smith (formerly Stuckenbrock) why then that is Captain Miscavige’s business. Rank has its privileges.”
“Frankly,” Comrade Dr. Wonderman stated, “The fate of Mrs. David Miscavige is of no importance to we in the Church of Scientology. Also unimportant is the fact that the unlamented Mary Sue Hubbard served hard time in prison for felonies ordered by her husband the Founder. The fact is that the wives our leaders become liabilities. These women are therefore placed under house arrest in permanent exile.”
“What is of infinite importance is that Captain David Miscavige is not deposed in Texas as this could, conceivably, lead to dire legal consequences for both Captain Miscavige and the Church.”
“Whereupon, it becomes evident that we in the Church of Scientology can never hold press conferences as very difficult questions would be raised. We cannot possibly withstand the scrutiny.”
“However, we are willing to engage in laughably impotent flame wars via e-mail. That is how small our Captain David Miscavige has become as he claws to retain control amidst disaffection, plunging statistics, and the meltdown of his own personality and legacy.”