Scientology global ecclesiastical leader David Miscavige became apoplectic today upon learning that the Secret Service had tossed several bags of Scientology books out of a second-story White House window.

The Secret Service deemed the books “Terrorist Cult Literature” and promptly bagged them up and tossed them out a window. The books were then seized as criminal evidence by the Department of Homeland Security.

“I paid over $5 million to get those books into the White House!” Miscavige bellowed loudly in the style of his predecessor L. Ron Hubbard

When asked by reporters if Scientologist and Trump Administration member John Coale had taken the books into the White House, Miscavige denied it and claimed it was a hired contractor who enjoyed smoking cigarettes and drinking scotch as much he does.

But in all seriousness, it was John Coale who took bags of Scientology books into the White House. And yes, he made Captain Miscavige donate $5 million to President Trump’s PAC Never Surrender, Inc. in return for the favor.