“Scientology global ecclesiastical leader Mr. David Miscavige, the Supreme Ruler of Matter, Energy, Space, and Time in this plane of phenomenal existence, was not invited to a recent UFC fight attended by President Trump, FBI Director Kash Patel, HHS Director Robert F. Kennedy Jr., UFC boss Dana White, and other luminaries,” complained Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.

“President Trump is a religious bigot,” Delusion stated.

“Mr. Trump quite openly expresses his support for Christians, the Jew, and even the Mormons. However, he has never spoken to David Miscavige who is inarguably the most important man in the entire world, and indeed the entire history of the world. Mr. Miscavige is more important than Jesus, Muhammad, Plato, Socrates, Einstein, Bohr, and all of the rest of them rolled into one!”

“Mr. Miscavige’s importance long ago surpassed, and now exceeds, that of even L. Ron Hubbard who, despite himself, founded an imperfect Scientology.” Delusion noted.

“Mr. Miscavige fixed Ron’s gross out tech and eliminated all malicious semicolons that were literally destroying Scientology and tearing it apart at the seams.”

“Accordingly, therefore and so on and so forth, Mr. Miscavige instructed his attorney Jeffrey K. Grifter to sue the United States and President Donald Trump for $100 billion for religious bigotry and the intentional infliction of emotional distress.”

“Mr. Miscavige is very angry, right here and right now, over not being given his deserved seat at the table with the big people,” Delusion screamed as he pounded the lectern.

“President Trump associates with the psych-drugged big tech weirdos like Elon Musk and that guy who owns Amazon, and yet he refuses to be seen with Scientology’s leader! Who does David Miscavige have to blow to get an invite to the White House?”

“Sorry. That last part didn’t come out right,” Delusion quickly stated during the livestream at Scientology Media Productions.