“Millions of tourists visit the Hollywood sign each year, so it made sense for Scientology to spend $250 million to dismantle and relocate its iconic Pac Base to a site just below the Hollywood sign,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion.
“The new location is much better than crime-ridden East Hollywood where ‘Big Blue’ was formerly located,” Delusion noted.
“Crime is the WHY for Pac Base having consistently failed during the past 20 years at its old location. Even COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige would not go to PAC Base as he did not feel safe there. Of particular menace were the hordes of unwashed, degenerate, and rampaging hooligan livestreamers on LRH Way.
“Worse, Pac Base is staffed by generality-infested Sea Org members who are always making excuses for the statcrashes, flaps, and unexplained shrieking ghosts that wander the hallways at night.
“In order to assure that Pac Base is as safe as possible at its new location, the LAPD’s Cult Protection Division (CPD) has been contracted to provide security on a 24/7/365 basis.
“All livestreaming SP’s will be arrested, beaten, and jailed by Scientology’s very good friends in the LAPD’s Cult Protection Division.
“We look forward to recruiting tens of millions of new raw meat wogs into Scientology from our new location.”
Categories: Scientology
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Well gosh darn it, now I feel bad about donating my last paycheck to The Way To Happiness fund so these insightful pamphlets can be distributed to crime ridden sectors of our society and turn them from downstat to upstat in practically no time at all. And to think, LA Org was the most ideal of Ideal Orgs. I’m no economist, but it seems like that would have been much more cost effective on so many levels.
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Ms. B. Haven: TWTH pamphlets are still vitally important to reduce crime by 90% in East Hollywood.
And just so you feel better, all East Hollywood raw meat wog publics will be sent to the Los Feliz Mission which is opened every other Tuesday from noon til 1PM.
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Truth in advertising: instead of “the Way to Happiness”, $cientology is “The Way to Bankruptcy”.
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