Captain Ken Delusion strode disgustedly from the men’s room in the music studio at Gold Base and yelled “Urine Command!” Ensign Stayta Kleer who was standing nearby in the empty hallway replied, […]
Urine Command!
Church of Scientology Steps Up Security After Four Disconnection Protesters Disrupt Human Rights Celebration at the Great Palace of Auditing
“The protests must stop!” declared Mr. Ken Delusion, Commanding Officer of Scientology Friendliness Services at the Great Palace of Auditing in Los Angeles. “How are we in Scientology supposed to celebrate Human […]
Lisa Marie Presley Disrepects Fleet Admiral David Miscavige!
…Tony Ortega reported that ex-Scientologist Lisa Marie Presley, the daughter of Elvis Presley and former wife of late pop legend Michael Jackson, has been plotting to covertly undermine the leadership of the […]
Scientology Boss David Miscavige Hires Jared Fogle as Spokesman
Church of Scientology Media Relations VP Ken Delusion confirmed today that Scientology ecclesiastical leader David Miscavige has hired Jared Fogle to be a spokesman for the Church’s new Scientology Media Productions unit. […]
Troublemaker at Flag Land Base
“COB became VERY HIGHLY ENTURBULATED to learn that Leah Remini’s interview on 20/20 drew 8.2 million viewers,” declared Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “COB’s ruds were thrown out so violently that […]
Pope David Miscavige Announces Scientology Holistic Indulgence Technology
“Continuing on his historic Man of the People Tour, Scientology Pope David Miscavige today addressed a packed house of twenty-three people at the Odd Fellows Temple in Truckee, California. “Pope Miscavige chose […]
Man of the People: Pope David Miscavige Eats at IHOP
Flush from his historic and triumphal Papal visit to Oildale, Scientology Pontiff David Miscavige today ate breakfast with the common people at an IHOP in Fresno, California. “Pope Miscavige is working hard […]
The Release of OTIX and OTX Announced!
“And now you know the rest of the story.” explained Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Project Mouse Table was needed for COB to actually write down the numbers involved in OTIX and OTX, […]
The Shroud of Tom Cruise: The Proof of OTIX and OTX is Here!
Artist: Daniel Edwards Cory Allen Contemporary Art “”There has never been a better time […]
Vatican Selects Starbucks as the Official Coffee Kiosk of St. Peters
In global ecclesiastical news today, Vatican spokesman Bishop. M. Plant announced that Starbucks has been selected at the official coffee kiosk of St. Peters. “The new Starbucks is now open in the […]
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 