Scientology is on lockdown as Hurricane Leah makes landfall tonight on A&E. Scientology and the Aftermath.
Scientology on Lockdown as Hurricane Leah Approaches
Scientology Leader Orders Global Disconnection on August 15, 2017
“COB RTC has issued a global disconnection order for Tuesday August 15, 2017,” announced Church spokesman Mr. Ken Delusion. “All Scientologists globally are ordered to disconnect from WiFi, cable, satellite dishes and […]
Church of Scientology Rushed to the Hospital Again! Prognosis is Dire!
After hearing that the A&E show Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath won the TCA award for Outstanding Achievement in Reality Programming, the Church of Scientology collapsed on the pavement and was […]
Anthony Scaramucci Appointed as New Executive Director of Scientology Media Productions
“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is pleased to announced the appointment of Mr. Anthony Scaramucci as the new Executive Director of Scientology Media Productions,” said Ken Delusion at the regular Monday press […]
Scientology & Disconnection
The Church of Scientology is pleased to announce its newest venture: Theta Movers. This full service moving company is here to service all your moving needs when OSA has ordered you to […]
Church of Scientology to Install Toilet Paper Dispensers in Ideal Orgs
In response to a recent survey of Scientology parishioners, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered all Ideal Orgs to install for-pay toilet paper dispensers. This will allow Scientologists to purchase either […]
New Scientology Tower Looms Above Hollywood!
“Due to the enormous popularity of Scientology’s ‘Big Blue’ complex in Hollywood, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered the addition of 24 extra stories to the landmark edifice,” announced spokesman Ken […]
Church of Scientology to Open 1000 McDonald’s Franchises
“In a desperate and clutching last-ditch attempt to recruit new members, the Church of Scientology today announced that it would be opening 1,000 McDonald’s franchises in key cities across the world,” announced […]
Scientology Targeting Children
“With Sea Org recruitment at an all time low, we in Scientology have decided to target children,” announced Ken Delusion. “We’re using colorful clown vending machines at toy stores, ice cream parlors, […]
Jenna Elfman the New Face of Squatty Potty
Following the sudden firing of Kathy Griffin, Jenna Elfman has been hired as the new face of Squatty Potty. “This relief couldn’t come at a better time for Jenna,” said VP Ken […]
