The Church of Scientology is pleased to announce its newest venture: Theta Movers. This full service moving company is here to service all your moving needs when OSA has ordered you to […]
Scientology & Disconnection
Church of Scientology to Install Toilet Paper Dispensers in Ideal Orgs
In response to a recent survey of Scientology parishioners, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered all Ideal Orgs to install for-pay toilet paper dispensers. This will allow Scientologists to purchase either […]
New Scientology Tower Looms Above Hollywood!
“Due to the enormous popularity of Scientology’s ‘Big Blue’ complex in Hollywood, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered the addition of 24 extra stories to the landmark edifice,” announced spokesman Ken […]
Church of Scientology to Open 1000 McDonald’s Franchises
“In a desperate and clutching last-ditch attempt to recruit new members, the Church of Scientology today announced that it would be opening 1,000 McDonald’s franchises in key cities across the world,” announced […]
Scientology Targeting Children
“With Sea Org recruitment at an all time low, we in Scientology have decided to target children,” announced Ken Delusion. “We’re using colorful clown vending machines at toy stores, ice cream parlors, […]
Jenna Elfman the New Face of Squatty Potty
Following the sudden firing of Kathy Griffin, Jenna Elfman has been hired as the new face of Squatty Potty. “This relief couldn’t come at a better time for Jenna,” said VP Ken […]
The Church of Scientology is Fabulous and Huge!
“The global demand for Scientology is huge, just incredibly huge,” exclaimed Scientology Media Czar Ken Delusion. “Folks, Scientology is fabulous, just fabulous. We are a winning Church with beautiful people.” “Let me […]
Fleet Admiral David Miscavige Orders Scientology Security Forces to Stand Down in Clearwater
After an intense 48 hour manhunt and dragnet conducted by over 1,200 members of Scientology’s security forces, it has been determined that Tony Ortega was not in Clearwater. Nevertheless, the threat of […]
How to Determine if a Scientologist is in Good Standing with the Church of Scientology
All Scientologists are like Schrödinger’s cat in the box: They are simultaneously in good standing and not in good standing with the Church. If a radioactive legal particle adverse to the Church […]
Scientology National Affairs Office — Press Release
Scientology National Affairs Office 1701 20th St NW Washington, DC 20009 PRESS RELEASE Scientologist Trish Duggan today met with senior Trump administration officials to lobby for the establishment of an Office of […]
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 