After decades of insisting that the Psychs, the Illuminati, the Vatican, the CIA, and the Freemasons are engaged in a plot to steal Scientology’s Tech, David Miscavige is highly insulted by the […]
Scientologists Refuse to Shelter in Place. Take to the Streets to Body Route Wogs into Orgs
With the Church of Scientology’s income having crashed to minus zero, Church leader David Miscavige ordered all Scientologists in America out on the streets. “The job of all Scientologists is to body […]
Secret Psych Implanter Elon Musk Lures Tom Cruise into a Space Trap!
Q: How does a Psych capture a mighty thetan like Tom Cruise? A: Space Secret Psych Implanter Elon Musk has lured Tom Cruise into a trap by offering him a ride into […]
Scientology Leader David Miscavige Receives a Solid Gold Toilet for His 60th Birthday
COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige received a $5 million dollar solid gold toilet from the Sea Org as an acknowledgement of all that he has done for the Church of Scientology. Mr. […]
Mystery of High Speed UFO Tracked by US Navy Solved
US Navy F-18 Super Hornets tracked a mysterious UFO recently. A follow up investigation determined that the aerial vehicle was Scientology leader David Miscavige fleeing the service of subpoena in several cases […]
Scientology Chairman David Miscavige Stands Ready to Take Over North Korea
With Kim Jong Un dead or nearly dead as reported, Scientology Chairman David Miscavige today announced that he is ready to take over North Korea. “My decades of leading Scientologists into crushing […]
The UN Hires Scientology Leader David Miscavige to Fix the Global Economic Crisis
“The UN has hired Mr. David Miscavige to solve the world’s economic disaster,” said Scientology spokesperson Ken Delusion. “Mr. Miscavige has outlined his seven point plan using LRH business technology to implement […]
David Miscavige Seeks $5 Billion in Federal Bailout Money for the Church of Scientology
Sporting a new Donald Trump coiffure and 30 extra pounds from “shelter in place” binge eating while watching Netflix, Scientology leader David Miscavige announced today that he is asking the US Federal […]
Fleet Admiral David Miscavige Places All Florida Scientologists Into “Doubt” After Mark Bunker Wins Clearwater City Council Seat
Visibly shaken and enraged by Mark Bunker’s win in Clearwater, Fleet Admiral David Miscavige went live today on Scientology TV to berate all Floridian Scientologists for being theetie-wheetie dilettantes who allowed this […]
The Reason Why Scientology Is Not Closing Its Ideal Orgs
“Scientology has no plans to close its Orgs,” said spokesman Ken Delusion. “There is no need to close them because the Orgs have already been empty for almost twenty years now.” “Now […]
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