We in RTC have just declared the entire Church of Scientology PTS to RTC, this after the major statcrash in sales of the following: Basics GAT II services Ultra Mark VIII e-meters […]
Church of Scientology Declared PTS to RTC
The Future of the Scientology Tent in Clearwater, Florida
COB RTC David Miscavige’s giant circus tent has served its epic, incredible, and planetary-changing destiny as the launching pad of GAT II. GAT II is now in highest ever affluence and is […]
US Customs Officials Confuse New Scientology E-Meter for Easy Bake Oven
US Customs officials at the Port of Los Angeles last week ordered 250,000,000 new Scientology Mark VIII e-meters returned to China, this after mistaking the distinctive Scientology electropsychometer for the Hasbro Easy […]
New E-Meter Fleet Grounded Due to Battery Overheating & Fires
The same lithium ion battery overheating problem plaguing the Boeing Dreamliner has now affected Scientology’s new Ultra Mark VIII e-meter. “The Ultra Mark VIII was designed with lithium ion batteries in order […]
Black Friday Scientology!
Following COB’s stunning surprise announcement that the new Ultra Mark VIII e-meter would be literally given away for the ridiculously low price of $4,900 on Black Friday, millions of Scientologists began lining […]
New Ultra Mark VIII E-Meter: 50,000x Better at Detecting SP’s than All Previous Meters!
“The new Ultra Mark VIII e-meter is 50,000x better at detecting hidden SP’s than all previous e-meters combined,” Church spokesman Ken Delusion proudly declared today during a special press conference at Flag […]
Everyone Must Redo the Student Hat!
After looking around at the existing scene, we in RTC decided that the stats will go up. Ergo, GAT II. What this means for Scientology parishioners is that they must redo the […]
Barrage Balloons Deployed Over Flag Land Base!
In the wake of last week’s unprecedented ambush helicopter raid of Flag Land Base by two bitter defrocked apostates hellbent on spying on the Church of Scientology, Fleet Admiral David Miscavige ordered […]
12,000 People Trampled to Death at Flag Land Base!
Freedom Magazine Special Report: Fatal Stampede at Flag! 12,000 Scientologists trampled to death in the mad rush to get into the Super Power Building! Speaking today from Flag Land Base, Church of […]
David Miscavige Declared God!
COB RTC David Miscavige tonight declared himself God. The new Civilization has begun. You will be contacted shortly by the Church of Scientology about your duties and obligations to God. In the […]
