COB RTC David Miscavige’s giant circus tent has served its epic, incredible, and planetary-changing destiny as the launching pad of GAT II. GAT II is now in highest ever affluence and is […]
The Future of the Scientology Tent in Clearwater, Florida
Captain David Miscavige Targets SINO’s!
SINO! The mere sound of this filthy word brings a sneer to Captain Miscavige’s face. “Scientologists In Name Only disgust me,” Captain Miscavige said. “These people pay lip service to the Church […]
US Customs Officials Confuse New Scientology E-Meter for Easy Bake Oven
US Customs officials at the Port of Los Angeles last week ordered 250,000,000 new Scientology Mark VIII e-meters returned to China, this after mistaking the distinctive Scientology electropsychometer for the Hasbro Easy […]
Church of Scientology Announces Project Ouija Board!
COB RTC David Miscavige today announced that the Church of Scientology had obtained exclusive global rights for the Ouija Board from Parker Brothers. “COB is convinced,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion,” that […]
Black Friday Scientology!
Following COB’s stunning surprise announcement that the new Ultra Mark VIII e-meter would be literally given away for the ridiculously low price of $4,900 on Black Friday, millions of Scientologists began lining […]
Wedding Bells to Ring Again for Scientologist Tom Cruise!
COB RTC David Miscavige is personally managing the courtship and marriage of Scientologists Tom Cruise and Laura Prepon. “Mr. Miscavige has a proven record of success handling the 2D, or marriages, of […]
The RTC E-Meter Police
The credit card reader on the new Ultra Mark VIII means that auditing has never been easier! Simply slide your card and voila! You’re in session! On a related note, the RTC […]
New Ultra Mark VIII E-Meter: 50,000x Better at Detecting SP’s than All Previous Meters!
“The new Ultra Mark VIII e-meter is 50,000x better at detecting hidden SP’s than all previous e-meters combined,” Church spokesman Ken Delusion proudly declared today during a special press conference at Flag […]
Everyone Must Redo the Student Hat!
After looking around at the existing scene, we in RTC decided that the stats will go up. Ergo, GAT II. What this means for Scientology parishioners is that they must redo the […]
12,000 People Trampled to Death at Flag Land Base!
Freedom Magazine Special Report: Fatal Stampede at Flag! 12,000 Scientologists trampled to death in the mad rush to get into the Super Power Building! Speaking today from Flag Land Base, Church of […]
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