“Scientology leader Generalissimo David Miscavige has placed his name before the US Senate as a wild-card-last-minute nominee to be next Justice to the Supreme Court,” said Scientology VP of Public Affairs Mr. […]
Generalissimo David Miscavige of the Scientology Imperial War Department Declares War on Colombia!
Generalissimo David Miscavige of the Scientology Imperial War Department has declared war on Colombia. “Generalissimo Miscavige was publicly humiliated by the Colombian people! And many have called his award a Medalla Falsa,” […]
David Miscavige Fires Everyone Working at Scientology TV!
Complaining that there was not enough gold ornamentation on his stage set and that the video lacked color saturation, David Miscavige today fired everyone who worked for Scientology TV. “COB is very […]
Scientology Clarification on Colombia
Flag C/S: Handling David Miscavige Engrams
The latest technical research at Flag indicates that Scientologists are too overcharged to handle David Miscavige engrams in session. In 90% of cases, the e-meter blew up. The correct handling is to […]
Freewinds Lengthened to Accommodate the Enormous Demand for Scientology
“After two years of work at a cost of $90 million USD, the MV Freewinds has been successfully lengthened to 402 meters (1,319 feet),” announced Captain Mike Napoleon. “The ship will now […]
Scientology Leader David Miscavige Comments on Tom Cruise’s New Movie Mission Impossible Fallout
“How does this glorified stuntman Tom Cruise get such monster stats for his stupid new movie?” asked David Miscavige. “Look at these stats! The opening weekend of Mission Impossible — Fallout is […]
David Miscavige Wardrobe Malfunction Leads to a Morals Charge; Big Pharma Behind the Plot!
“It’s not what it looks like,” said Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “The Brigadier General was merely helping COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige with a wardrobe malfunction.” “That this was escalated into a […]
David Miscavige Master Class Announced on Facebook
Have you ever wanted to be wealthy, violent, and insane cult leader? Well now the Pompadoured Pontiff David Miscavige teaches you all of his secrets in a new Master Class series. Here’s […]
Scientology Butthurt Cream: For Pain Levels of 2.0 or Greater!
Scientology Butthurt Cream is indicated for butthurt pain levels of 2.0 or greater. What are some examples of when a Scientologist needs to use Scientology Butthurt Cream? Below are three scenarios: Scenario […]
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