Tag Archives: Florida


David Miscavige Reacts to the Clearwater Marine Aquarium’s Refusal to sell Scientology the 1.4 Acre Parcel


Church of Scientology Armies Launch Surprise Attack on Clearwater!

At 0800 hours today, Church of Scientology armies stormed out of the Flag Ecclesiastical Pavilion and the Super Power Building whereupon they unleashed a massive surprise ground attack upon the City of Clearwater.

“The Church of Scientology was fully justified in launching this attack,” declared Field Marshall David Miscavige. “Factually, and more to the point, the City’s threat to withhold permits for our strategic and planetary-changing launch of GAT II and Super Power forced the Church’s hand. We had no other choice than to attack!”


Lead elements of Dianetics Tank Battalion 7 storm through the City of Clearwater.  Please note how beautifully color-coordinated our main battle tanks are with the new Super Power Building. We call this having great taste in all things MEST.

“Our ferocious and fearsome armies easily defeated the Downtown Clearwater sector, this largely due to the almost complete absence of non-Scientologists,” reported General Ken Delusion of Dianetics Tank Battalion 7.

Units on the ground reported that by late afternoon Scientology heavy infantry controlled the main runway at Clearwater Air Park. No enemy Cessna’s can fly in supplies. Scientology forces also control the food court and several crucial cell phone kiosks at the Clearwater Mall.

“Although Clearwater is under siege and vastly outnumbered by a superior force,  City Manager Bill Horne appears, as usual, to not be taking the Church of Scientology seriously,” General Delusion exclaimed.

“Indeed, City Manager Horne sent one of his lieutenants out to our Central Command bunker to ask if we had a film permit! Astonishingly, Mr. Horne thinks we are filming some sort of movie!”

“Those suppressive Psychs in City Hall do not seem to realize that our dozens of videographers are filming Field Marshal Miscavige’s glorious victory over the suppressive City of Clearwater to show our parishioners on November 17!”

“We don’t need no stinkin’ permits!” General Delusion railed. “Not in Clearwater anyway.”


RTC Command Helicopter patrols Downtown Clearwater in search of Psychs.

Scientology: Global Red Alert!

Fleet Admiral David Miscavige has declared a global red alert for all Scientology sectors following the Church’s legal loss in Florida.

All Scientologists are hereby ordered to begin purchasing all copies of newspapers that carry this story. We must prevent the public from learning of this loss!