David Miscavige and Heaven’s Gate Leader Come to Blows on FoxNews; Fistfight Ensues in Studio
David Miscavige Slips into Old Age; Rails Against the Onset of His Decrepitude
Scientology leader David Miscavige began the new year protesting the ravages of advancing age and the acceleration of his physical, mental, and psychological plunge into decrepitude. “The food they serve me in […]
Church of Scientology on New Years Eve
“A dangerous crevasse opened beneath the Church of Scientology as we tried to go into 2020,” reported Expedition Commander Ken Delusion. “Our safest move is to reverse course back and head back […]
Launch of Boeing Built Scientology Spaceship: Critical Mission Update
While the the wogs were buzzing with the Christmas R6 implant, we in the Church of Scientology labored at Lunar Base 47. Our goal: Conquest of the Earth by Scientology. Galactic Fleet […]
Scientology Leader David Miscavige Plunges Into a Deep Depression After Learning the Mormons Have $100 Billion Stashed Away
Upon first reading the news that the Mormon Church has $100 billion stashed away in Ensign Peak Advisors, Scientology leader David Miscavige was convinced this was fake news or possibly even satire. […]
David Miscavige Injured in His Attempts to Save the World; Now Unable to Make Court Appearance
“Defendant Miscavige is not available for deposition,” explained Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “It seems COB needs a walker these days after he broke his back heroically piloting OTIX and OTX. The fifteen […]
Tom Cruise Quits Scientology — But Scientology Doesn’t Quit Tom Cruise!
Tom Cruise recently had a thought that he wanted to quit Scientology. Tom confided this thought to a so-called friend who immediately leaked the story to the wog media as we see […]
L. Ron Hubbard Makes a Surprise Appearance at the Grand Opening of the Central Ohio Ideal Org
Mr. L. Ron Hubbard, Founder of Dianetics and Scientology, teleported in from T2 for the grand opening of the Central Ohio Ideal Org. Mr. Hubbard wowed the audience with an update on […]
Scientology Leader Missing Over Kansas City in Freak Helium Balloon Mishap!
“It was freak accident,” declared Ken Delusion. “Mr. Miscavige’s right wrist and forearm became entangled in the helium balloons when they were released. The bantamweight Mr. Miscavige was suddenly swept heavenward by […]
Scientology Space Admiral Miscavige Rockets to Target 2!
Scientology Space Admiral Miscavige rocketed to Target 2 today in search of the missing OT levels 9-15. “L. Ron Hubbard took OT levels 9-15 with him when he dropped his body and […]
