Tag Archives: beatings

We in Scientology are not a Cult!

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We in Scientology are not a Cult! Plenty of religions have paramilitaries, prisons, beat their clergy & conduct interrogations on members.

Are You a Tough Angry Sonofabitch? If so, Scientology Wants You!

Scientology Security Forces Shatter Suppression!

We in the Church of Scientology are the world’s fastest growing religion. Our growth continues to skyrocket uncontrollably as billions of thetans clamor for Scientology goods and services like never before.

But with this growth comes unparalleled magnitudes of suppression from SP’s. This is where you as a tough angry sonofabitch enter the scene. Scientology needs unemployed soccer hooligans, felons out on parole, and other brutal thugs who need to live off the grid for various reasons. We don’t ask. In fact, we can create a new name and identity for you as a Scientology minister.

The Sea Org is a group of tough sons of bitches. We get things done. Qualified candidates must be able to physically beat SP’s in the streets and to be able to withstand being physically beaten as required.  Ecclesiastical beatings are a part of the Sea Org tradition. We are just like the British Navy in the 18th century in that respect, which is to say your criminal history and extensive arrest record make you very desirable to Scientology.

Uniforms are provided. Free room and board. Weekly pay ranges from zero to as much as $46.50 for a 100 hour work week. All new hires will be trained to confront and shatter suppression the old fashioned way! (wink wink)

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Scientology: New and Improved With 50% Less Brutality!

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Scientology Fundraising in Action!

“You goddamn #*^&@#* SP! You call yourself an OT while you’re holding out on Scientology! Where’s the rest of your &*^(% money!”


“You call $1,000 a donation?! You’re not even close! Hand over the rest of your ,(&^*@# money to the IAS now!!!!”


Finally, an outdoor Comm Ev at St. Hill following a lackluster and less-than-heroic and fully monumental donation to the IAS:

Pull Up Your Socks!

SocksAn Inspirational Talk and Call to Action by Dr. Eldon Weiner, CO BT

Dr. Eldon Weiner of Freedom Magazine

Dr. Eldon Weiner CO BT

Well hello there Scientologist!

With spring just around the corner it’s time to do our annual spring cleaning.

We begin by throwing out all of those old and unreliable Quantum meters that are now illegal and hence criminal.

The new meter is 50,000x more sensitive and so why would anyone want those lackluster old Quantum’s? Throw ’em out onto the garbage pile with any of the Founder’s old books printed before 2007.

And now onto the more important topic: COB wants every Scientologist to know that it’s time to pull up your socks!

I’ll repeat the command: It’s time to pull up your socks!

Speaking today at the Homo Novis Auditorium in Los Angeles, COB RTC David Miscavige announced that he will outlaw the internet in 2013 to protect Scientology and all other religions

COB RTC David Miscavige

COB is doggone sick and tired of all the defeatist natter in the Church. Not one single day goes by lately that Ethics isn’t handling natterers, or worse, Scientologists who are forwarding enemy lines and spreading defeatism.

Why to hear some Scientologists talk, you’d think the  Church of Scientology was on its last legs breathing from an oxygen bottle in some wog hospital room.

Well folks, I’m here to tell you that these nervous nellies are about to get a serious reality adjustment because COB has had it with pandering to a bunch of out ethics Scientologists who read the internet, get themselves all enturbulated, and then call everyone about “COB this” or “COB that” and whine about hard and unfair the Church is!

What a load of crap! I’m sick of it and so is COB! Time for some good ol’ RTC ecclesiastical beatings I say! If someone won’t pull up their socks why then *POW!* right in the kisser next time they natter or read entheta online!

So pull up your socks or else!