Prince Andrew Turns to Scientology for Help; Worries if He Can Afford it After Losing His £249,000 Royal Salary
“A troubled Prince Andrew has turned to we in the Church of Scientology for help,” said spokesman Ken Delusion. “The Flag Case Supervisor has ordered the Prince to undergo 100 hours of […]
Scientology Leader Missing Over Kansas City in Freak Helium Balloon Mishap!
“It was freak accident,” declared Ken Delusion. “Mr. Miscavige’s right wrist and forearm became entangled in the helium balloons when they were released. The bantamweight Mr. Miscavige was suddenly swept heavenward by […]
Scientology TV is not Unwatchable Propaganda!
VP Scientology TV Mr. Ken Delusion sat at his big desk and glared out the window at Sunset Blvd. He had just read entheta online. “Unwatchable Propaganda!” he screamed at the wog […]
David Miscavige Discount Sheet Sets Now on Sale!
“Actual research has shown that Scientologists who sleep on David Miscavige’s discount sheet sets experience, on average, a 2000% increase in case gain,” said Discount Sheet I/C Ken Delusion. “These luxurious 800 […]
Scientology Official Attacked; Clearwater PD To Investigate
“Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion claimed that while he was taking an evening walk by himself in Clearwater he was attacked by two psychiatrists who jumped him in an alley from behind a […]
Real Scientologists Demand Cash Auditing Subsidies from the US Government
“Social welfare programs that give billions of dollars to poor people are bigoted and hateful because they discriminate against Scientologists,” declared the new STAND League Executive Director Mr. Ken Delusion. “For too […]
Attn Scientologists: The “Religious Bigotry” Emergency Alarm Button is Now Available: Get It, Use It!
“With anti-religious bigots running loose everywhere across the world, all Scientologists are expected to buy and use the new religious bigotry alarm button,” said Rev. Ken Delusion, Director of Religious Bigotry Prevention […]
The Leaning Scientology Ideal Org of The Valley
“Pictures don’t lie,” said Valley Ideal Org Executive Director Ken Delusion. “Our Org is leaning. The entire building slopes towards Burbank Blvd. “This sloping of the building interfered with yesterday’s meeting of […]
Archeo-Scientologists Discover an Intact 75-Million Year Old Spaceplane!
Just as the discovery of 50,000 year old fossilized e-meter shocked the world and proved the antiquity of Scientology, the latest discovery by Dr. Ken Delusion’s team of Archeo-Scientologists is guaranteed to […]
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