We in the Church of Scientology are under attack by the amassed global forces of planetary suppression. Captain David Miscavige is in his RTC War Room handling the dire threat posed by […]
Captain Miscavige Orders the Nuclear Option Against HBO!
Statcrash in the Cathedral
“Flag Land Base has gone criminal!” declared Senior International Ecclesiastical Sec Checker and Interim IJC Captain Davis Jackinov. “Fleet Admiral Miscavige entrusted Flag to forward command intention with our new 21st century […]
Why Scientology Costs So Much Money
“We in the Church of Scientology wish to point out that planets don’t clear themselves,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Clearing costs money as do Ideal Orgs, dissemination centers, hyperbaric implanting chambers, […]
The Scientology E-Metermobile Is Coming to Your City!
“The Church of Scientology E-Metermobile is coming to your city soon!” enthused Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Captain Miscavige and OT Tom Cruise will kickoff the 200 city E-Metermobile Scientology Goodwill Ambassador tour […]
Captain Flag Land Base Charges PAC Base With Using Undercharged E-Meters!
Captain Davis Jackinov, Commanding Officer of Flag Land Base, today accused PAC Base of using undercharged e-meters. “Just as the New England Patriots used under-inflated footballs to criminally win their Super Bowl […]
Church of Scientology to Open Aquarium in Downtown Clearwater
“We are the experts on aquariums,” announced Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “And with that in mind, the Church will be opening a new aquarium here in Downtown Clearwater.” “And quite […]
COB RTC David Miscavige names Tom Cruise “World’s First Clear!”
Vowing to “never let a woman keep us apart again” COB RTC David Miscavige reunited with his best friend this evening during the IAS ceremony at East Grinstead, Sussex. And as if […]
Announcing Flag’s “All You Can Audit” Special!
“Folks are just so doggone crazy about those “all you can eat” specials at wog restaurants,” observed Dr. Eldon Weiner, CO Marketing Development, Flag Land Base. “The Olive Garden offered its a […]
Announcing the New Church of Spiritual Technology Visitor Centers
“It can all be summed up in two words,” declared Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion, “COB cares.” “Indeed, COB cares so very, very much that he recently and fully surveyed the […]
Dave’s Org now open in Clearwater!
Following a surprise tech inspection of Flag Service Organization, we in RTC have cancelled all FSO certs. We have additionally bypassed the negligent criminal management in CSI and have accordingly revoked all […]
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 