“The new Scientology Danger Process calls for Scientologists to hang upside down for twelve hours over the 110 freeway in Downtown Los Angeles while suspended from a rope,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion.
“If the Scientologist weakens and loses their grip on the rope, he or she will plunge to the freeway below and be brutally crushed to death by the thousands of cars hurtling by at high speeds,” Delusion noted.
“During the initial launch of the Danger Process, the California Highway Patrol intervened and shut it down. In doing so, the CHP trampled on Scientology’s freedom of religion,” Delusion complained. “As a result, we in Scientology will be suing the CHP for five billion dollars. Scientologists have a right to practice their religion in whatever way we choose and wog governments be damned!”