“With record Scientology expansion comes record suppression,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion, “and that is why Captain Miscavige had 24 additional stories added to the Superannuated Los Angeles Infinity Platinum Model Ideal […]
“Styrene, benzine, toluene, freon, acetone, MMA, MEK, exene, cyclopentane and other chemicals are vitally needed in large quantities if we in the Church of Scientology are to practice our religion properly,” declared […]
“While reviewing cash flow numbers today, Captain David Miscavige expressed vague unease at the one hundred million dollars in parishioner money being spent each month on Fair Game and lawyers,” declared Scientology […]
“Flag Land Base has gone criminal!” declared Senior International Ecclesiastical Sec Checker and Interim IJC Captain Davis Jackinov. “Fleet Admiral Miscavige entrusted Flag to forward command intention with our new 21st century […]
“We in the Church of Scientology wish to point out that planets don’t clear themselves,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Clearing costs money as do Ideal Orgs, dissemination centers, hyperbaric implanting chambers, […]
“Captain David Miscavige is inviting you to drop by your nearest Ideal Org to experience the new Sec Check Lite!” enthused Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Designed by RTC to handle your crimes […]
Embattled NBC news anchor Brian Williams has turned to the Church of Scientology for help. Williams knows that Scientology’s proven ability to handle crisis PR is vital if he is to save […]
“A newly released study authoritatively concludes that the Church of Scientology’s seemingly endless problems are caused by fracking,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Funded by the Citizen’s Commission on Human Rights, this […]
“North Korea’s success in confronting and shattering a suppressive movie by Sony was extremely impressive,” declared Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “And that is why we in the Church of Scientology have hired […]
“We are the experts on Public Relations,” declared Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion during his press conference at the Church’s Psychiatry: An Industry of Death museum in Hollywood. “Scientology’s approach to […]
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