Tag Archives: crisis

David Miscavige: Scientology is in a SERIOUS CRISIS and Needs More Money Now!

DM.Hair

“Scientology is in a SERIOUS CRISIS and needs more money now!” brayed COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige at the Maiden Beating Event.

“Never in the entire agonized history of this planet has Scientology ever been in a more SERIOUS CRISIS. Never has Scientology ever needed money like it needs now!”

When asked what the SERIOUS CRISIS was, Mr. Miscavige would only say that it was an unspecified serious crisis that could, if given sufficient money, be resolved by next Thursday at 2:00PM.

After COB’s announcement of the dire and unspecified crisis, Scientology OT’s retired to the ballroom and gorged themselves on lobster, steak, shrimp, baked goods, pies, cakes, champagnes, cognacs, fine wines, rich chocolate deserts, and creamy white cake with buttercream frosting. Newly-minted Clear Stacy Francis regaled the crowd with her musical stylings some have compared to Yoko Ono.