Tag Archives: Sean Colvin

Get the SP!

Oldsmobile-Vista-Cruiser-1964

Dad was driving the family’s Oldsmobile Vista-Cruiser when he spotted the SP in the crosswalk. Dad accelerated hard, and, with a hard-fixed Scientology glare, aimed the gleaming 5,000 pounds of Detroit steel at the SP. The pistons of the mighty 279 hp GM V8 pushed the car to 97mph. Vast Magellanic clouds were kicked up from the streets as the automobile became a machine of lethal Scientology justice.

“Get the SP Dad!” yelled OSA Cadet Jimmy, aged 7, in the backseat.

“Get the bastard!” shouted Mom from the front passenger seat.

The SP tried to flee the hurtling behemoth, but Dad maneuvered expertly on a set of sturdy Good Year radials he had purchased only the week before with his hefty IAS commission check.

The SP was hit hard and thrown 200 feet through the plate glass window of the Buick dealership on the corner of 4th Street and Insane. 86,000 different delusions went through the SP’s mind as he experienced permanent exteriorization.

******

“He’s dead Jim,” said Detective Wendy Delusion to her partner Detective Jim Bongo.

“Well he was an SP and so he had it coming to him. There’s no crime here,” replied Detective Bongo.

Jimmy was given a Jr. SP Hunters Detective’s badge. Dad was given an award by Mayor Cleveland Harrison III. Clearwater was safe once again.