“A dangerous crevasse opened beneath the Church of Scientology as we tried to go into 2020,” reported Expedition Commander Ken Delusion. “Our safest move is to reverse course back and head back […]
Church of Scientology on New Years Eve
Scientology: Spying on the Buddha!
Knowledge Report The Buddha has suppressive tendencies and is engaged in, and promoting, an offbeat practice named after himself. Specifically, the Buddha teaches detachment from what he calls “illusory mental forms.” A […]
Xenu Arrested for DUI After Colliding With Santa Claus
“Xenu was 3x over the legal limit,” said State Trooper Rock Slammer. “Xenu didn’t even realize he had flown into Santa’s sleigh until we were handcuffing him at the scene for DUI.” […]
Scientology Leader David Miscavige Plunges Into a Deep Depression After Learning the Mormons Have $100 Billion Stashed Away
Upon first reading the news that the Mormon Church has $100 billion stashed away in Ensign Peak Advisors, Scientology leader David Miscavige was convinced this was fake news or possibly even satire. […]
Scientology: We Stand Tall
Bodhi Elfman and the Secret of Scientology Anus Whitening
Now we know what really goes on aboard the Scientology ship Freewinds when it’s out to sea: A group whitening process. Bon voyage on your Scientology journey to… a white anus.
Tom Cruise Quits Scientology — But Scientology Doesn’t Quit Tom Cruise!
Tom Cruise recently had a thought that he wanted to quit Scientology. Tom confided this thought to a so-called friend who immediately leaked the story to the wog media as we see […]
L. Ron Hubbard Makes a Surprise Appearance at the Grand Opening of the Central Ohio Ideal Org
Mr. L. Ron Hubbard, Founder of Dianetics and Scientology, teleported in from T2 for the grand opening of the Central Ohio Ideal Org. Mr. Hubbard wowed the audience with an update on […]
Aryan Brotherhood Adopts Scientology as a Way to Handle Engrams and Past Trauma
Encouraged by the ways in which Scientology has helped Nation of Islam members become better Muslims, the Aryan Brotherhood today announced that its members have begun Dianetics and Scientology courses in the […]
Scientology Leader Missing Over Kansas City in Freak Helium Balloon Mishap!
“It was freak accident,” declared Ken Delusion. “Mr. Miscavige’s right wrist and forearm became entangled in the helium balloons when they were released. The bantamweight Mr. Miscavige was suddenly swept heavenward by […]
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