“Facebook shares have been hammered in the last two days,” said Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “Here is the cold-blooded truth: Facebook pulled in the worst-ever single day stock market statcrash because it […]
“Spacelord Xenu’s long-time criminal associate Darth Vader was arrested and taken into custody at the Scientology World Fair in Hemet,” announced International Justice Chief Mr. Ken Delusion. “Vader was spotted in the […]
“We in Scientology have long warned the public that reading the OT materials without proper preparations will cause a person to freewheel through their implants, catch pneumonia, and die,” said Church spokesman […]
“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige’s hair finally got piled so high and over-tinted that the ecclesiastical leader was mistaken for Marge Simpson,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “An investigation by RTC has […]
“Captain Mike Napier was at Flag for a heavy Ethics cycle. This left Ensign Nandor Vörös in charge of the vessel. In what has to be the worst telex error in the […]
Scientologist Tom Cruise announced today that he has quit his acting career to become an auditor in the Sea Org. “This planet’s not going to get cleared unless I help,” said Cruise. […]
“By actual survey, Scientology parishioners are asking the WHY for why Scientology Media Productions is not broadcasting,” said spokesman Ken Delusion. “More than a few Scientologists have noted that Leah Remini has […]
“The Marcabs aka the Psychs wanted you to think it was an eclipse — and they fooled everyone except true Scientologists,” said Dr. Ken Delusion, nuclear physicist and Executive Director of Scientology’s […]
“In a desperate and clutching last-ditch attempt to recruit new members, the Church of Scientology today announced that it would be opening 1,000 McDonald’s franchises in key cities across the world,” announced […]
“The global demand for Scientology is huge, just incredibly huge,” exclaimed Scientology Media Czar Ken Delusion. “Folks, Scientology is fabulous, just fabulous. We are a winning Church with beautiful people.” “Let me […]
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 