List of Suppressive Persons:
- Pastor Ernest Angley is Reaching Out to You Today
- Allison Mack Joins Scientology; Gets NXIVM Repair Auditing
- Thanks to Scientology You Can Now Call the Dead!
- David Miscavige Sues Leah because She’s Mean to Him
- Scientology TV’s New Reality Show: On the Road With Dave!
- After Conquering the Nation of Islam, Scientology leader David Miscavige Sets His Sights on Costco
- Thieving Christians Steal Scientology’s Intellectual Property!
- Scientology Thanksgiving with Tom Cruise and Kirstie Alley
- Scientologist Juliette Lewis Shows Her Amazing OT Insanity
- The WHO Behind the Drug Pandemic
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“Danny Masterson’s traditional appearance as Santa Claus at the Scientology Celebrity Centre’s Christmas gala has been cancelled,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion.
When asked to comment on the allegations that Scientologist Danny “Donkey Punch” Masterson raped four women, and may have even choked or drugged them during the alleged rapes, Delusion stated, ““The Church adamantly denies the implication the Church would ignore the criminal behavior of certain members, especially at the expense of alleged victims. What is being stated is utterly untrue. This has nothing to do with religion. This story is being manipulated to push a bigoted agenda. The Church follows all laws and cooperates with law enforcement. Any statement or implication to the contrary is false.”
When asked what his bloviating non-statement actually meant, Delusion remarked that if saving Scientology meant throwing Masterson under the bus then COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has decreed that this would happen. “Look,” Delusion said, “the Democrats are going to throw Senator Al Franken under the bus to save the party. Well then we in Scientology are doing the same thing with Danny Masterson after our extensive efforts at stonewalling and bribery have failed. Our friends at the LAPD and the L.A. District Attorney’s Office are getting real nervous about the Masterson situation. And if they’re nervous why then Mr. Miscavige is nervous too.”
“If Danny Masterson is convicted and goes to prison then it means that he was never a real Scientologist. Delusion noted. “Therefore, declaring him an SP and getting rid of him is the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics.”
Netflix could not be reached for comment as it was hiding under its desk and had the door to its office locked.