COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige singlehandedly saved the entire nation of Colombia from violence, evil, terror, drug-traffickers, and every other danger. For his efforts, the grateful nation of Colombia awarded him its […]
We in Scientology Apologize for Placing a Kiosk in the LAPD Hollywood Division
We in Scientology wish to apologize for any misunderstanding over the installation of our kiosk in the public lobby of the LAPD Hollywood Division station house. What was supposed to have been […]
Flag C/S: Handling David Miscavige Engrams
The latest technical research at Flag indicates that Scientologists are too overcharged to handle David Miscavige engrams in session. In 90% of cases, the e-meter blew up. The correct handling is to […]
Do Not Murder Your Friends or Family
Sane advice from Scientology’s non-religious moral code The Way to Happiness: There are many practical reasons for not murdering your friends, your family, or yourself being murdered. Just one example: A murderous […]
Psychiatrist Caught Trying to Smuggle New Top Secret E-Meter Out of Scientology Org!
“When word got around that Scientology had a new top-secret e-meter that could instantly cure-all forms of psychological distress and thereby eliminate the need for Psych drugs, Big Pharma was terrified! Big […]
Freewinds Lengthened to Accommodate the Enormous Demand for Scientology
“After two years of work at a cost of $90 million USD, the MV Freewinds has been successfully lengthened to 402 meters (1,319 feet),” announced Captain Mike Napoleon. “The ship will now […]
Scientology: Now Hiring Really Bad Elvis Impersonators as Fundraisers!
Scientology is now hiring really bad Elvis impersonators as fundraisers. This is a commission only position and you must pay your own expenses. Pay is 3% of the take. “The fate of […]
US Federal Judge James Whittemore Approves of Scientology’s Use of the Guillotine to Behead SP’s
In a ruling handed down today in the US Middle District of Florida Federal Court, Judge James Whittemore affirmed the Church of Scientology’s religious right to “hunt down and guillotine Suppressive Persons.” […]
Scientology Warning: Marijuana Was Created Eons Ago by Alien Botanical Psychiatrists! Don’t Use Xenu’s Weed!
Scientologist Dr. John Mappin educates and warns the wog public why no one should ever use Xenu’s weed a/k/a marijuana: Xenu’s Weed was created eons ago by mal-intentioned botanical psychiatrists! Here are […]
Scientology Sizzling Summer Special: Buy a Copy of Dianetics & Receive a Free DVD of Gotti!
How can you lose with L. Ron Hubbard and John Gotti? They go together like money and laundering! Quantities limited to stock on hand, which is to say we in Scientology have […]
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