“We in the Church of Scientology wish to point out that planets don’t clear themselves,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Clearing costs money as do Ideal Orgs, dissemination centers, hyperbaric implanting chambers, […]
New and Easier “Sec Checks Lite” Feature 50% Less Brutality!
“Captain David Miscavige is inviting you to drop by your nearest Ideal Org to experience the new Sec Check Lite!” enthused Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Designed by RTC to handle your crimes […]
NBC News Anchor Brian Williams Turns to the Church of Scientology for Crisis PR Help
Embattled NBC news anchor Brian Williams has turned to the Church of Scientology for help. Williams knows that Scientology’s proven ability to handle crisis PR is vital if he is to save […]
Church of Scientology to Be “Friendlier and Less Strange” in 2015
“Recent surveys performed by an outside firm have shown that the Church of Scientology is perceived as being unfriendly and strange by fully 92% of the raw meat wog public,” stated Comrade […]
Fracking Responsible for the Church of Scientology’s Problems
“A newly released study authoritatively concludes that the Church of Scientology’s seemingly endless problems are caused by fracking,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Funded by the Citizen’s Commission on Human Rights, this […]
Church of Scientology Hires North Korea to Handle Media and Internet Problems
“North Korea’s success in confronting and shattering a suppressive movie by Sony was extremely impressive,” declared Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “And that is why we in the Church of Scientology have hired […]
Gimme A David Miscavige Special!
Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!” The bartender takes all of the guy’s money and beats him to a bloody pulp. ***** Guy walks into a […]
Church of Scientology Offers Effective PR Solutions to Bill Cosby
“We are the experts on Public Relations,” declared Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion during his press conference at the Church’s Psychiatry: An Industry of Death museum in Hollywood. “Scientology’s approach to […]
Scientology Fleet Admiral David Miscavige in the RTC Bunker
Church of Scientology Financial Impact Accounts for 20% of Jobs in America
“The Church of Scientology’s financial impact accounts for 20% of all jobs in America,” Church spokesman Ken Delusion declared today by telex from the ship. “For example, our Ideal Org gas stations […]
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