“Entheta is up 3,000%,” announced Captain Ken Delusion, CO Entheta Particles Unit OSA. “Even with all he is doing, and all he has done, COB can’t open new Ideal Orgs fast enough […]
COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige Announces ABF
Church of Scientology Announces Tough New “Scientology Pre-Crime Thought Law” in Florida!
“This latest Philboard wouldn’t have happened had the tough new ‘Scientology Pre-Crime Thought Law’ been in place,” explained Ken Delusion, VP of Media Relations for Scientology Media Productions of the Eastern United […]
Fleet Admiral David Miscavige Crushes Coup in Turkey!
Turkey’s wog President Recep Tayyip Erdogan today publicly thanked the Fleet Admiral David Miscavige and his elite RTC Thetan Team 6 commandos for crushing the attempted coup against Erdogan’s government. Said Scientology […]
Exclusive: Scientology’s Secret Underground Alien Base Discovered!
CIA Director John O. Brennan today announced that the agency had discovered Scientology’s secret underground alien base at an undisclosed location. “The Church of Scientology has been working with aliens since the […]
Emergency StatPush: Battlefield Earth Has Sold Only 122 Copies!
Classified: The 2016 relaunch of Battlefield Earth has sold only 122 copies. Galaxy Press is hereby assigned the condition of CONFUSION. COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered all Scientologists to immediately […]
Church of Scientology Asks FBI to Clear It of All Criminal Charges
After the FBI cleared Hillary Clinton of a felony violation of “Section 793(f) of the federal penal code (Title 18): With lawful access to highly classified information she acted with gross negligence […]
Psychs Behind Skyrocketing Black Market in Counterfeit OT Certs
With Scientology now the coolest religion on Earth, literally the Mouwad’s 1001 Nights Diamond purse of the mind, everyone wants to be an OT — even SP’s, DB’s, 1.1’s, wogs, spectators, dilettantes, […]
Miracle Money from Reverend Tom Cruise!
“I want you to reach out and touch your hand to mine as a point of Theta contact,” said Reverend Tom Cruise on the first annual XenuVision telethon to raise money for […]
XenuVision
“XenuVision is the wave of the future!” exulted aging Chairman of the Bored Dr. David Miscavige. “Unlike wog television, XenuVision is fully ideal in every way! Our uncorrupted communication line to the […]
RTC Confidential: Burn After Reading.
Confederation Stardate 23 June 2016: COB is in hiding in a cheap hotel in Echo Park. He constantly obsesses about a billboard; his father’s book; his fading looks; and the ghost of […]
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 