“When applied standardly to kneecaps, elbows, or heads, the patented new RTC sec checking sledge hammer increases confessions 4700x,” declared CO OSA Inquisitions Captain Stayta Kleer. “The new Ultra Mark VIII meter […]
Welcome to the Church of Scientology. You have made a very wise decision to improve yourself through the use of our highly effective spiritual technology. An exciting spiritual adventure awaits. Our copyrighted […]
We in RTC have recently been made aware by our wog attorneys of a new squirrel group called Neurotology. COB RTC David Miscavige was shown selected screenshots of a video proving that […]
We in the Church of Scientology are under attack by the amassed global forces of planetary suppression. Captain David Miscavige is in his RTC War Room handling the dire threat posed by […]
“We in the Church of Scientology wish to point out that planets don’t clear themselves,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Clearing costs money as do Ideal Orgs, dissemination centers, hyperbaric implanting chambers, […]
“The Church of Scientology will commence whaling operations next week,” Church spokesman Ken Delusion announced during a press conference at Scientology Media Productions in Burbank. “While we in the Church of Scientology […]
Chairman Miscavige is suffering from a long list of problems. As a result, $750,000,000 is needed by Thursday at 2:00 PM. You yourself are personally responsible for all of COB’s problems and […]
“All hands emergency: The Office of Special Affairs is on an urgent recruit cycle to bring some new bodies into the most badly overworked area in the Church.” “We’ve entered an entirely […]
“Our beloved Chairman David Miscavige has announced a bold new initiative to end the unemployment problem,” declared Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “The answer is to join the Sea Org.” “The […]
We in RTC are pleased to announce that all of our yesterdays of misapplication, misduplication, misemotion, and yes, misspent decades due to arbitraries have been wholly blown away in a day, and […]
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