Tag Archives: Twitter

Mark Zuckerberg Apologizes to Scientology; Promises to Delete all Entheta on Scientology from Facebook

“Following a closed-door Serious Reality Adjustment Session with Scientology Pontiff David Miscavige and his ecclesiastical lawyers, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg publicly apologized to the Church of Scientology,” announced Ted Torquemada, the Chief Inquisitor of the Scientology religion.

“Mr. Zuckerberg’s change of heart, his repentance, and his promise to purge all entheta and Black PR about Scientology on Facebook was helped by the fact that a group of twelve very dedicated Russian Scientologists did some digging and found certain very unsavory information on Mr. Zuckerberg’s private habits and secret associates in what is clearly the Facebook Cartel.”

“For their dedicated work,” said Ted Torquemada, “the following Russian Scientologists in the Main Intelligence Directorate of the General Staff (Unit 74555) are very highly commended and have each received a one million dollar cash bonus from COB:

Mikhail Bystrov
Mikhail Burchik
Aleksandra Krylova
Anna Bogacheva
Sergey Polozov
Maria Bovda
Robert Bovda
Dzheykhun Ogly
Vadim Podkopaev
Gleb Vasilchenko
Irina Kaverzina
Vladimir Venkov

“Twitter be handled next by Unit 74555,” Ted Torquemada darkly intoned. “Jack Dorsey has certain… predilections… that would harm Twitter’s stock if this information came to light.”

Taryn Teutsch Was Not Trying to Pull a Scientology Con Job


Scientology Minister of Disinformation Mr. Usman Bello today assured reporters that Taryn Teutsch was not trying to pull some kind of sleazy Scientology con job when she posted a photo of herself with Gretchen Carlson on her Twitter account.

“Although it appeared that Taryn was trying to create the impression that Ms. Carlson supports her efforts, this was a simple misunderstanding due to a lack of word clearing on Twitter.”

Mr. Bello further insisted that L. Ron Hubbard cancelled Fair Game in 1968 and that Scientology no longer practices Fair Game. “Trying to get someone fired from their job is not Fair Game,” said Captain Bello. “Rather, it merely reflects Scientology’s pure hatred, spite, and our pathological and uncontrollable need for revenge. Our inherent viciousness has nothing to do with Fair Game.”

Mr. Bello went on to complain that the joking and degrading website 419.Eater was a bad, bad, bad wog website that has seriously harmed Scientology’s income from its Nigerian operations.

Confidential: David Miscavige Popularity Plunge! Crisis in Scientology!

WTF! According to Psych-infested Facebook, the COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige news page only has 190 followers! How can this be given the fact that the Church of Scientology has 12,000,000 members and is the fastest growing religion in the world?

Worse, the internet is now joking & degrading about this! This bigotry is an outrage! We in Scientology are the most ethical group on the planet and shouldn’t have to put up with such blatant japery as this on Twitter:


Dead Cult leader David Koresh has 5x more likes than COB!


We in RTC hereby decree that all 12,000,000 Scientologists are to give COB likes on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Encyclopedia Britannica, the

Church of Scientology Hospitalized After Projectile Vomiting on Twitter!


Public health authorities today ordered the Church of Scientology rushed to the Emergency Room following Scientology’s prolonged two-week bout of projectile vomiting on Twitter. Blood tests revealed the presence of the deadly virus Cultus Hystericus.

“Scientology is a both a public nuisance and a public health hazard,” said Dr. Metah Bolic of the Hollywood Religious Hospital. “The Centers for Disease Control alerted us after counting 22,132 instances of Scientology projectile vomiting tweets on Twitter. These repetitive tweets attack a television show the Scientology Cult is obsessed about and unable to control.”

“In the same way wolves urinate on trees to mark their territory, Scientology is projectile vomiting tweets on Twitter in an attempt to mark what it believes to be its territory. This behavior is characteristic of the Cultus Hystericus virus, a virus caused by the fatal brain parasite Lunaticae Miscavigus.

“This strain of virus cannot be treated by antibiotics,” Dr. Metah Bolic stated. “This particularly destructive virus can only be treated with Reason, but Scientology has a DNA defect that renders it impervious to Reason. The only real solution is to surgically remove Scientology’s IRS tax exemption.”

Scientologists Taking a Stand

Scn.crybabiesWe in Scientology are angry, real angry. Right here, right now. If you wogs don’t stop attacking our religion right now we’re going to throw ourselves onto the floor and throw an incredible hissy fit like you’ve never seen!

You wogs need to get one thing straight: We in Scientology can put up hate sites, defend Scientology rapists and pedophiles, and savagely slander, libel, and lie about people because that is protected religious activity.

On the other hand, if you wogs don’t stop attacking Scientology’s protected religious activities, we in Scientology will scream uncontrollably like petulant crybabies and have STAND wallpaper Twitter with millions of tweets!

So stop attacking our religion right now you bunch of haters, bigots, SP’s, queers, sluts, Communists, perverts, whores, degraded beings, homo saps, 1.1’s, Psychs, sluts, faggots, bitter defrocked apostates, and jokers & degraders!

Church of Scientology Freedom Media & Ethics on Twitter: One Follower and Growing!

We at Freedom Media & Ethics are taking a resolute stand against the broadcasting and publishing of false information.

We at Freedom Media & Ethics strongly believe, more or less, that free speech is not a free pass to broadcast or publish false information. However, SP’s and the enemies of the Church of Scientology are excluded. It is Fair Game on SP’s  only right for we as the most ethical journalists on the planet to confront and shatter SP’s by using false and misleading information or even outright lies.

This is how principled we are in defense of the truth.

Our 2015 stats to date: 2 Tweets and 1 Follower!

Take that Alex Gibney and HBO!

You and your fancy wog film festival!