David Miscavige and Heaven’s Gate Leader Come to Blows on FoxNews; Fistfight Ensues in Studio
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David Miscavige Slips into Old Age; Rails Against the Onset of His Decrepitude
Scientology leader David Miscavige began the new year protesting the ravages of advancing age and the acceleration of his physical, mental, and psychological plunge into decrepitude. “The food they serve me in […]
Church of Scientology on New Years Eve
“A dangerous crevasse opened beneath the Church of Scientology as we tried to go into 2020,” reported Expedition Commander Ken Delusion. “Our safest move is to reverse course back and head back […]
Scientology: Spying on the Buddha!
Knowledge Report The Buddha has suppressive tendencies and is engaged in, and promoting, an offbeat practice named after himself. Specifically, the Buddha teaches detachment from what he calls “illusory mental forms.” A […]
Xenu Arrested for DUI After Colliding With Santa Claus
“Xenu was 3x over the legal limit,” said State Trooper Rock Slammer. “Xenu didn’t even realize he had flown into Santa’s sleigh until we were handcuffing him at the scene for DUI.” […]
Launch of Boeing Built Scientology Spaceship: Critical Mission Update
While the the wogs were buzzing with the Christmas R6 implant, we in the Church of Scientology labored at Lunar Base 47. Our goal: Conquest of the Earth by Scientology. Galactic Fleet […]
Scientology Leader David Miscavige Plunges Into a Deep Depression After Learning the Mormons Have $100 Billion Stashed Away
Upon first reading the news that the Mormon Church has $100 billion stashed away in Ensign Peak Advisors, Scientology leader David Miscavige was convinced this was fake news or possibly even satire. […]
