Retired football player Tom Brady turned down Scientology’s $5,000 cash offer to do a one-hour Scientology promotional video. Mr. Brady apparently thinks he has so much money he can turn down $5,000 […]
Gentlemen’s Fine Leather Gardening Gloves Now Available!
First Alien Abduction of 2022: The Marcabs Seize Space Admiral David Miscavige
Alien Abduction Incident Report. January 1, 2022. 0632 Hours. Clearwater, Florida. As he walked the quiet early morning streets around Flag Land Base, Space Admiral David Miscavige was abducted by a marauding […]
We Hear Things
How David Miscavige Destroyed the Rogue Scientology Regges Behind the Chase Wave Credit Card Fraud!
We in Scientology hasten to remind the public that we are the most ethical group on the planet. There has never been any “Chase Wave” or even a scintilla of financial irregularity […]
The Joel Osteen Effect: Scientology Orders all of Its Bathroom Walls Ripped Open in Search of Hidden Stashes of Money
Upon learning that a janitor found $600,000 in cash and checks hidden inside a bathroom wall in Joel Osteen’s church, Scientology leader David Miscavige has ordered all bathroom walls in Scientology ripped […]
Scientology Can Help You Fend Off Unwanted Midnight Alien Sexual Advances
If Sharon Gilbert had the exact Scientology technology for fending off unwanted midnight alien sexual advances then the Xerxes impersonator would have never accosted her in her own bed. Worse, Sharon’s husband […]
McDonald’s Egg McMuffin Turns 50 Years Old; Curiously Continues to Outsell Scientology
“How the f*ck does this happen?” screamed COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige. “How does a breakfast sandwich outsell Scientology for 50 years?” “The agonized fate of every man, woman, and child on […]
From BT’s to lava flows, volcanoes have been the bane of Scientology’s existence for 75 million years!
“From BT’s to lava flows, volcanoes have been the bane of Scientology’s existence for 75 million years.” — Dr. Ken Delusion, Nuclear Physicist. “So long as the MEST Universe, volcanoes, Targs, Marcabian Implanters, […]
Tom Cruise Top Gun 2: Botox Malfunction!
“Even with his head temporarily swollen by a Botox malfunction, Maverick is readying Top Gun 2 for a theatrical release in the next few years,” said assistant second unit apple box manager […]