Tag Archives: theta

Scientology & Disconnection


The Church of Scientology is pleased to announce its newest venture: Theta Movers. This full service moving company is here to service all your moving needs when OSA has ordered you to move far away from neighboring SP’s, particularly when these SP’s are family who want to stop your Bridge progress.

“While we in the Church of Scientology most definitely do not practice Disconnection as portrayed by the ASC-controlled wog media,” said VP of Disconnection Services Mr. Ken Delusion, “We strongly feel that no Scientologist should be forced to live near any source of enturbulances or suppression who are hostile to their practice of Scientology and its policy of Disconnection, a policy that is widely misunderstood.”

“Disconnection does not ‘break up families’ as claimed,” emphasized Mr. Delusion who has not spoken to his own parents in ten years after they were declared SP’s for reading entheta on the internet, “Rather, Disconnection simply rearranges families and changes ‘communication‘ to ‘no communication.’ And indeed as the Founder said, ‘No communication with disaffected family members prevents a chaos of thinkingness, a flood of restimulative human emotion and reaction in which the gung ho Scientologist feels torn between the Church and his or her family. Dramatizing family is a homo sap weakness, nothing more than genetic entity think and the Homo Novis is a skyscraper higher than such concerns, particularly when Scientology so desperately needs more money.”

“It is a high crime, a violation of KSW to put family before the Church,” Delusion pointedly insisted. “And even my own parents know how easy it is to get back in touch with me. They simply need to do A-E, make up the damage they’ve done to the group, and strike an effective blow against the members of the group they’ve been pretending to be a member of. Marty has set a sterling example in this regard as he suffers up through the conditions.”

“In happier news,” said Delusion, “the new Hubbard Trailer Rancho has opened in Dunedin. Named after the Founder, this older trailer park was acquired by the ILO recently with IAS funds. The park features affordable single wide trailer homes and is intended for those Scientologists who don’t have the reach or wherewithal to afford a stick built home. And per Scientology policy, the Hubbard Trailer Rancho is ringed with a razor wire fence to keep SP’s out and Scientologists in.”


Miracle Money from Reverend Tom Cruise!


“I want you to reach out and touch your hand to mine as a point of Theta contact,” said Reverend Tom Cruise on the first annual XenuVision telethon to raise money for Scientology.

“And I want you to call 1-888-Thetans right now and make a faith pledge of $100,000 toward Scientology’s goals of building orphanages for poor children, feeding the poor, and building hospitals for the sick.”

“No but seriously,” laughed Reverend Cruise, “we in Scientology would never reward downstats like that. What we really need the money for is to build more glittering Theta Palaces we call Ideal Orgs.”

“Open up a flow with the Theta universe by making a seed faith donation of $100,000 right now,” admonished Reverend Cruise. “Open up a flow with the Theta universe and a POCKET TSUNAMI OF MIRACLE MONEY will suddenly gush all over the inside of your pants and make you all wet like, WOW! WOW! WOW! It’s unbelievable!”