Captain Ken Delusion, Inspector General of the Religious Technology Center today pronounced HowdyCon 2018 an illegal criminal assembly.
“All HowdyCon attendees are hereby declared 47XSP’s which is the new RTC standard of eternal damnation. Bunkerites may never receive Scientology services in any Org in any galaxy or universe.”
“The sole exception is the San Fernando Valley Ideal Org whose stats are so negative that to even walk by the Org makes any Scientologist feel deep disgust, fear, and loathing.”
“In happier news, Kirstie Alley has just been awarded the role of the Raptor Queen in the upcoming Jurassic Park sequel Blood in Miscavigalvania.”
— TO BE READ ALOUD TO THE ILLEGALLY ASSEMBLED HOWDYCON CRIMINAL ASSEMBLY BY THE DESIGNATED SP IN CHARGE—
Acting in his capacity as Imperial Galactic Interstellar Emperor, RTC Chief Inquisitor, and Space Warlord, Mr. David Miscavige today pronounced HowdyCon an illegal criminal assembly.
Actual investigation has determined HowdyCon to be awash in criminals, Suppressive Persons, bitter defrocked apostates, jokers and degraders, agents of Big Pharma, Marcabs, Helotrobes, Venutian freight locomotive operators, squirrels, communists, troublemakers, freethinkers, Trotskyite wreckers, diversionaries, saboteurs, and shadowy agents from the nebulous fringes of the internet.
Imperial Galactic Interstellar Emperor Miscavige has dispatched Bloviating Orbital Gasbag John Travolta to confront and shatter suppression at HowdyCon: