Tag Archives: President

David Miscavige for President in 2020

The “David Miscavige for President in 2020” movement received additional impetus today from the millions of Detroiters who were honored that Mr. Miscavige opened a badly-needed Scientology Ideal Org in their community.

“Detroit can finally get Scientology auditing,” said resident Mac McDooley. “Things are really going to change for the better in Detroit. All the endemic crime, violence, and poverty will end now that Scientology is here!”

 

David Miscavige Makes It Official: He is Running for President in 2016!

DM.4.PresidentPrivate citizen and global ecclesiastical leader David Miscavige today announced that he is running for President of the United States.

“America needs aggressive new leadership. I’m the only one who can go to Washington DC and knock some damn sense into the SP’s and their Psych Masters in Congress.”

“Washington DC is full of proveable bullshit. I’m the ultimate outsider, the only tough sonofabitch who’s ready to go in and singlehandedly beat the wog homo sap establishment to a bloody pulp,” roared Miscavige from his podium at Deluxe Model Ideal Org #129 in Los Angeles.

“My platform is simple:

  • A return to the 110 hour work week that made America great
  • A minimum wage of .10 cents per hour to make America competitive
  • A return to the full legalization and celebration of cigarette smoking
  • The end of phony and unnecessary high school diplomas
  • The end of the wog education system
  • No taxes on the wealthy and superwealthy who become Scientologists
  • A 12% corporate flat tax to finance Scientology social betterment programs
  • The end of Obamacare and of all wog healthcare altogether
  • Mandatory weekly sec checks for all Americans
  • Driving the homeless and illegals into the oceans and drowning them
  • Public beatings of senators and congress people who screw up
  • Weekly public beatings of SP’s in town squares across America
  • The criminalization of Psychiatry and Psych drugs
  • The criminalization of the internet

“But most importantly at all, on the first day I am in office, I will issue a Presidential decree outlawing all attacks on religion on the internet, television, radio, newspapers, magazines, in the streets, and even in private homes. Any SP religious-hating bigots caught breaking my decree will be beaten and executed on the spot.”