“In a desperate and clutching last-ditch attempt to recruit new members, the Church of Scientology today announced that it would be opening 1,000 McDonald’s franchises in key cities across the world,” announced Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.
“The new recruitment program is called ‘Ideal McScientology’ and will replace the colossally failed Ideal Org program. Each Ideal McScientology restaurant will feature signage in which the Scientology and McDonald’s names and logos will be co-branded in a bold and exciting new fusion of fast food and religion.”
“The McScientology restaurants will offer the same menu as offered by standard McDonald’s but will also sell 12.5 hour intensives of auditing along with introductory courses in the “TR’s & Locationals Area” of the restaurants.
“What McDonald’s is to food,” said spokesman Ken Delusion, “Scientology is to religion. So come by today and ‘Theta-size’ your Big Mac combo meal with a 12.5 hour intensive of GAT II auditing or even a basic Comm course!”