Tag Archives: danny sherman

The Aftermath of the Aftermath

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COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige never recovered from Scientology and the Aftermath. He quickly began to pack on weight during the second season. For dinner, COB would often eat 2-3 hams, an entire turkey, mashed potatoes and 3 chocolate cakes. His breakfast was a 12-egg cheese omelet with one dozen slices each of French toast, waffles, and pancakes to which he would add a mountain of bacon and sausage. Lunch was 23 cheeseburgers, onion rings, fries, and ten ice cream sundaes. Snacks were several bags of Doritos, pickled pigs feet, sweetbreads, gallons of Mountain Dew, and several dozen assorted donuts. And of course COB was always smoking Camel cigarettes.

COB developed odd affectations. He built a monocle with a long stem from black pipe cleaners. Although the monocle had no lens, COB would often close one eye and pretend to closely inspect objects with his monocle. Some of the objects he inspected did not exist and yet he claimed them to be invisible and that only he could see them. COB took to wearing a battered old top hat and great coat and wandering the streets. He wore a pocket watch and would often stop to check the time on Mars. He refused to bathe except on the second Tuesday of each month.

Local packs of wild dogs, for Downtown Clearwater had become a ghost town by this time, would nip and bite at his swollen ankles and distended belly. COB claimed to the remaining 200 Scientologists that the greatest time in Scientology’s history was soon to come when a new e-meter that was actually a time machine would take the entire Church of Scientology back to the time of George Washington. During his short walks on the beach at low tide the seagulls would peck at him. He would flail at them with his cane and claim they were Marcabs. Danny Sherman was COB’s constant and faithful companion and assured him this was all quite true.

Robbing Ron to Pay Dave

Danny.Sherman“The Church of Scientology is gripped in an unprecedented financial crisis of heretofore unimaginable and nightmarish magnitudes,” declared acting Finance Dictator Mr. Dan Sherman.

“Not only has the price of rice and beans skyrocketed, but GAT II income is 192,815% below predicted levels. Worse, refund requests are  running at  highest ever levels with 332,416,022 refund requests received just this month.”

DM.22“As a result,” Mr. Sherman declared, “his Ecclesiastical Thetanship David Miscavige is feeling the pinch. Why just last week his regularly scheduled shipment of fresh New Zealand lamb was delayed when the check from the COB Food Fund bounced.”

“Whereupon, and to make matters worse, COB’s credit card was declined when he went to buy a mere $2,500,000 in $1,000 chips at the Tritium Kitty Kat Casino in New Mexico. The embarrassment!”

“In order to keep  his Ecclesiastical Thetanship flush, then, the hundreds of millions of dollars per year paid in royalties to the Church of Scientology International as well as the royalties paid to the Church of Spiritual Technology will henceforth be paid directly to David Miscavige Personal Way to Happiness Fund, a trust based in Curacao.”

The boards of the Church of Scientology International and the Church of Spiritual Technology unanimously approved this diversion of funds in view of Mr. Miscavige’s herculean labors and massive humanitarian work on behalf of Mankind, especially the little people, the forgotten people. In the event, robbing Ron to pay Dave goes all the way back to the 1980’s so there is precedent for this.”

CSTAnd besides” Mr. Sherman added, “the Founder is quite dead and doesn’t need royalties continually paid to him forever. Moreover, we as a Church can’t afford to  keep spending perfectly good money to dig more and more holes in the ground to endlessly bury more LRH metal plates. Enough already!”

“Quite honestly, we in the Church of Scientology feel that the Founder has violently smashed his name into history to an adequate degree and has made his point. It’s now time to take that money and give it to David Miscavige.”