Alien Abduction Incident Report. January 1, 2022. 0632 Hours. Clearwater, Florida.
As he walked the quiet early morning streets around Flag Land Base, Space Admiral David Miscavige was abducted by a marauding Marcab beam ship. The abduction was witnessed by the Space Admiral’s entourage of 25 ecclesiastical aides.
These eyewitnesses all reported the same thing: The Marcab ship suddenly decloaked from invisibility and seized Scientology’s Pontiff. The alien craft then dematerialized back into invisibility.
“What we in the Church of Scientology wish to emphasize,” said Flag Captain Ken Delusion, “is that the abduction was real. It was not an imaginary or mocked up event. Nor was it attempt by Mr. Miscavige to surreptitiously flee US jurisdiction and thereby create an alibi for his disappearance from Church lines, service of subpoena, etc.”