“Scientology’s straight up and vertical expansion over the years has created a crisis of excess carpeting and floor space,” declared ED Daphne Dimwit of the San Fernando Valley Ideal Org.
“The carpet cleaning and maintenance bills are killing us here at the Valley Org,” lamented ED Dimwit. “We have a cavernous empty main room that was only used once this past month — and that was for a half-day photo op of the Emergency Interfaith Committee.”
“We at the Valley Org would be so much better off selling the building to a real church and just meeting over at Nancy’s house once a month. The same is true of the other Ideal Orgs. They’re all just so big and empty.”