The Scientology Sea Org Prepares to Destroy the Internet!

“Declaring the internet to be proveable bullshit, we in the Scientology Sea Org are preparing to wage war against rationality, reason, sanity, and all other manifestations of the internet,” declared Fleet Admiral David Miscavige.

“The internet is the reactive mind writ large in cyberspace. Whereupon,” declared the Fleet Admiral, his pompadour glistening in the sunlight from a fresh application of mink oil, “we in Scientology shall commence to destroy the internet and all of the massive and vomit-spewing suppression it embodies.”

“Out beta test proved that we could knock out Spectrum broadcast signal in Clearwater. Now it’s time to turn the Hubbard Model 47 Spectrum Jammer up to 11 and block all internet signal across the entire planet!” cackled the Fleet Admiral.

6 responses to “The Scientology Sea Org Prepares to Destroy the Internet!

  1. Hang on…so now I have to change my matching pompadour oil from Palm Oil to Mink? My preparedness is low, Ideal Oil here I come!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bubbles The Powerpuff Girl

    Public Notice, The Church of Scientology is hereby ordered to withdraw peacefully from the town of Clearwater or action will be taken swiftly

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Proveable BS? Many people regard Miscavige as provably evil.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If this doesn’t make one want to join the Sea Organization, what would?

    Who needs the suppressive wog internet and arcade machines when all a Being needs to know can be found on their Telex, Scientology TV, ClearSound tapes (that look suspiciously like 8-tracks) and their closest Ideal Org Bookstore.

    Onward Capt’n Fleet Admiral Miscavige! Onward to victory in this very sector of this very guh-lax-ee where the Founder dropped the encumbrance of his oh so healthy meat sack on this very date all those years ago!!! Onward and a hearty hip-hip-whoray!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Andrew Robertson

    In a surprising move of defiance, the Reverend Ken Delusion head of programming for the enormously successful ScientologyTV Internet channel pointed out the negative impact this would have on the clamoring curious hordes flooding into the Ideal Orgs since transmission began. “This will be a dissemination disaster” he claimed.

    The fate of the Rev. Delusion is unknown.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Umm. Err. Well, we in RTC meant to say that the internet will be destroyed except for the Scientology internet. Ken Delusion promptly blamed his juniors for this kerfluffle and they were all beaten.

      Like

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