Generalissimo David Miscavige
Generalissimo David Miscavige of the Scientology Imperial War Department has declared war on Colombia.
“Generalissimo Miscavige was publicly humiliated by the Colombian people! And many have called his award a Medalla Falsa,” announced Scientology Minister of Disinformation Colonel Ken Delusion.
“The outrageous mocking of Generalissimo Miscavige will not be tolerated! Scientology has already sent its spy ship the MV Freewinds to Cartagena to scout the harbor and lay out plans for the larger invasion of Colombia by Scientology’s military forces.”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
A transcript of Generalissimo Miscavige’s call to arms:
“Upon this battle depends the survival of Scientology. Upon it depends our status upgrades and the long continuity of our Orgs and our Mission network. The whole fury and might of the Suppressives must very soon be turned on us. The Psychs knows that they will have to break us or lose the war. If we can stand up to them all Teegeeak may be free and the life of this sector of the Galaxy may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fail, then the whole world, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted Psychiatry. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if Scientology lasts for a trillion years, men will still say, “This was their finest hour.”
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FiFY – ….”This was their finest fundraiser.”
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Andrew’s dazzling oratory slips off his tongue like liquid gold. Surely he was Cicero in one of his past lives!
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We looks at warz as bidness consolidation opporztunities. Like da way we consolidated dat Bonanno crew last week.
We’re morez about acquisitions den mergers…
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Hey, WTF? I thought there was a little change in “management” at Cosmo, Inc. and Uncle RICO was in charge now. If you are having some sort of out-of-valence issues, I would be more than happy to be your FSM and get you (or any of the boyz) started up the Bridge to Total Freedom at your nearest Church of Scientology Ideal Org. Being out of valance sucks big time and the Tech can handle that for you. Before you know it you’ll have achieved the lofty state of Clear. And as our Founder says, a Cleared cannibal is a Cleared cannibal so it would also be true that a Cleared ruffian is a Cleared ruffian. I like my thugs to be homo novis thugs so I know I’m dealing with KSW crims. You just can’t trust an ordinary wog hooligan these days which is why the goons in OSA are so ethical and trustworthy. Hey, have you guys ever thought of joining the Sea Organization? You might qualify if you didn’t have as much fun as I did back in the 60s.
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Well Ms B, da guy what handlez my aliases got 15 ta life, but itz now fixed, as Rocky “know nuttin” Scrupo is doin’ us a favor.
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So dis valence ding; does it come in walnut? Da missus is after me fuh one in da sittin’ room. Gotz to be able to have a table top big enough for all da family snaps and the 37 virgin mary statues. I tried to get one what dun fell off a truck, but it was in pink.
Az fuh cannibals, damn Ms. B, uz one cold broad! We usually shootz dah loosers, not eatz ’em, so lemmie be “clear” on dat. Besides, if we’d had to eat, raddah den shoot guys like Mikey “thighs” Lambusco, weda been der for weeks, dah fat fuck.
Our crew don’t like watah, don’t like no boats, so noz SeezOrgre o’ whaddaever dah fuck… I can tell yaz Ms. B, dat me and da’ boys had ALL kinds of fun in da’ 60’s, and we even rememberz some o’ dem dayz!
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