Complaining that there was not enough gold ornamentation on his stage set and that the video lacked color saturation, David Miscavige today fired everyone who worked for Scientology TV.
“COB is very demanding,” explained Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “He wants more gold and more color. He wants his stage set to look like the Ark of the Covenant and dazzle the viewer. Scientology TV didn’t deliver and so everyone was fired, beaten, and assigned the condition of Non-Existence.”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Well, it’s about fucking time some heads were put on a pike!!! These low life DBs were probably the same CICS crims who not only didn’t provide the Standard GAT II level of gold ornamentation and color saturation, they are surely the ones responsible for the lack of imaginative programing on Scientology TV. Of course I have enjoyed watching the infinite loop of the same material over and over, but a little variety would be just the thing to pull off Planetary Dissemination with the correct order of magnitude.
I think those responsible should be counting their lucky stars that they are working for the ever benevolent Capt’n Miscavige. They’re damn lucky to only be put in a Condition of Non-Existence and beaten. The could have been sent to some far flung sector of this dirt clod planet to hand out Way To Happiness pamphlets in some South American jungle for example. Or, they could be assigned to work with Shelly where ever the hell she is these days.
Oh, and tell Mr. Ken Delusion that he better be careful and dot his i-s and cross his OT-s. There was reference to the Ark of the Covenant in this posting. I’m pretty goddamn sure that is a mistake. Our Nation of Islam brothers and sisters on The Bridge to Total Freedom might not approve of such references. And I wouldn’t want to be the one to tell Mr. ‘Bubba’ Mohammad to continue to clear his words or clay demo that one until he got it right. Would you?
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Reality shows….building on The Apprentice, we follow a crew of celebrity regges each week trying to harpoon whales for the Ideal Org status of the week. Loser’s fate, COB looking directly in the camera, dropping the gavel and announcing, “You’re RPF’d”. Footage of the celebrity serving their one day RPF would allow comic relief as credits roll.
There are bound to be other easy reality shows too…
What about reality docu-dramas…follow the funding of an Ideal Org from behind the scenes…including footage from meetings, costumed fund raisers, building drama all the way to the final crescendo of COB pulling the ribbon. With the right music and atmosphere, viewers would feel the emotional impact of the win. With the hundreds of Ideal Orgs, this could provide years of content.
Game shows…building on the “Who wants to be a Millionaire?” concept, we could drum up public foot traffic by playing “Who wants to be a Scientologist?”
And finally, an OT “Jeopardy” show…just imagining the categories will keep you busy for a significant portion of your whole track. Danny could serve as the emcee…
I submit that COB and his team aren’t trying hard enough. Scientology TV could be a hit.
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Vito “shanks” Renuso had da’ crew in stitches wid his take on da’ midget’s latest tantrum.
He was sayin’ dat da midget ain’t got shit on his Momma Rosa, whose living room back in Napoli makes da’ Sistine Chapel look like a f’cking K-Mart, sees? She’s very Catlic, and must have 22 tons o’ gold leaf on her shrine to da’ Virgin Mary.
If da’ midget wants shit dun right, he needs to talk wit Momma Rosa, who, for a small fee, will gild dat lit’l shit like dere’s no tommorow!
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With Momma Rosa’s golden horde, she would make a great candidate for being a Scientologist and rocketing up The Bridge to Total Spiritual Freedom (as well as gaining the prestigious IAS Status of Patron Dupetorious). She wouldn’t even have to give up her R-6 implanted Catlic beliefs as long as she keeps inflowing cash and outflowing it to the Church.
I would love to be Momma Rosa’s FSM and I would be willing to split my FSM commission with you and da boyz.
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Jilly sez first get dat 900 gig earnin’, den we’ll talk about youz an’ Momma Rosa havin’ a sit down. Right now, da only bridge she worries about iz da one she crosses every Sunday ta getz ta mass…
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NO ONE IS SPLITTING COMMISSIONS WITH ANYONE OR KNEES WILL BE BROKEN!!!! CAPICE?
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Hey midget, Fat Tony says you’d best talk him fuhst, before ders any knee bustin’, as weez dun adjusted our “service” fee. And rememberz, dat Ms B broad’s on our crew now, and if she rates a cut, we’ll be fair, seez?
Youz knowz da’ rules, so don’t be tryin’ to get too big fuh dem John Lobbes of youz. It’s hard to wear shoes when youz got no feets if youz get my drift….
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How in the world did they call this religion? They’re all freaking crazy
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I’ll start a religion and Call it Cariisum. Send your millions my way. Silly people take back your mind think for yourself.
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