Scientology: Now Hiring Really Bad Elvis Impersonators as Fundraisers!

Elvis

Scientology is now hiring really bad Elvis impersonators as fundraisers. This is a commission only position and you must pay your own expenses. Pay is 3% of the take.

The fate of Earth hangs in the balance. This is why Scientology needs really bad Elvis impersonators to raise money.” — L. Ron Hubbard.

4 responses to “Scientology: Now Hiring Really Bad Elvis Impersonators as Fundraisers!

  1. Scientology impersonates a church so they can steal more money. The truth is that Scientology is an evil, criminal cult.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Knocking 7% off the standard power FSM rate would only make sense to a really bad Elvis impersonator. Hats off to the pontiff for discovering this lost tech. You can never say Pope David, first of his name, doesn’t know how to artfully apply the tech even in the most obscure of circumstances. There’s got to be a special place in Target Two reserved just for him.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Big fuckin’ deal. Another lousy Elvis impersonator. It kinda makes me sad that the IAS won’t pop for a better Elvis impersonator, but times are tough and it has been a long time since the King checked out. Scientologists younger than I probably don’t know a good Elvis impersonator when they see one anyway.

    I think what the IAS should do is forget the Elvis impersonators and just bring on Lisa Marie. For some reason we haven’t heard from her for a while and I am so disappointed. In fact, now that I think of it, we haven’t heard from hardly any Scientology Celebrities as of late. I guess they are just too busy catching up with their GAT II reading and course work. I love my Scientology Celebs and wish that they would be more more visible now that Scientology TV is up and running and flooding our Ideal Orgs with raw meat. It would be such and encouragement and inspiration!!!!! Come to think of it, it has been an awful long time since we have seen the greatest Celeb of all, Shelly. She must still be working VERY HARD on the ‘special project’ that COB has her assigned to. It must be one helluva project since she has had her nose to the grindstone for so long. Talk about dedication!!!!! I can’t wait for her to report on what she has been up to!!! I don’t mean to belittle anyone, but I think Shelly is even more dedicated than Mary Sue. I have been babbling enough, maybe I should just shut up and donate when the next lousy Elvis impersonator shows up at my Ideal Org to fundraise for another Ideal Org. Do I need a Sec Check for that Mary Sue comment? Christ, I hope not.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I think Elvis is hiding out with Ron on target two..

    Like

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