“We in the Church of Scientology can at last offer a coherent and wholly scientific explanation for the bizarre and violent behavior of our leader COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige. The explanation is Ambien. We regret any inconvenience Mr. Miscavige has caused due to this medication. All he ever wanted was a good night’s sleep and yet his wog doctor prescribed a horrific medication that caused Mr. Miscavige to manifest the most strange and vile of behaviors,” explained Church spokesman Mr. Ken Delusion.
“For example, Mr. Miscavige’s uncontrollable addiction to purchasing empty buildings at lavish prices and calling them ‘Ideal Orgs’ is directly the result of Ambien. Seriously, no one in their right mind would purchase buildings in industrial parks or dilapidated and rotting old buildings and call them Scientology churches.
“Under the influence of Ambien, Mr. Miscavige would wake from his slumber, strip naked, and then write nonsensical and incredibly expensive purchase orders for unnecessary Orgs and the renovations to these white elephants. In the morning COB would remember none of what he had done.
“However, being good Scientologists who live only to forward command intention, we never dared question COB. This is why we have an empty $220 million dollar Scientology Org located somewhere in Antarctica that has become buried under ten meters of permafrost.
“Mr. Miscavige has switched to an all natural sleep aid and everything is now fine.”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
“Side effects: may cause loss of family fortune, divorce, alienation from friends and acquaintances, and, in rare cases, suicide. Does not cause racism.”
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An All Natural Sleep Aid covers lots of territory. I would be careful cob….who knows what goes into your drink of choice & your food du jour. As paranoid as you are, you probably do not sleep like a baby. High Crimes with do that. Slowly dissolve you from within. OTVIII is Grrr8! 💖
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Edit Ann, High Crimes Will do that…
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“All-natural sleep aid” as in strychnine?
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“All natural sleep aid” as in Scotch and lots of it.
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This is entheta!! Everyone knows that COB, like LRon, prefers Vistaril!!
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After reading this article I can see I am going to have to schedule myself for a couple of intensives of GAT II Word Clearing and False Data Stripping.
On one hand, I see this as clear evidence that Mr. COB TRC Capt’n David ‘Blackheart’ Miscavige is fully applying Standard Study Tech and not going past a bunch of MUs and thereby falling asleep like all the other DB Execs in the RTC course room. COB is so keyed out from his training wins he can’t sleep.
On the other hand I secretly wonder why such a powerful OT would need sleep in the first place let alone resort to getting help from Big Pharma. I have to believe it was all an undercover operation to recover Bob Duggan and his substantial accumulation of Wog cash so necessary for expansion of the Ideal Org program.
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We in RTC have OSA investigating the Duggan angle. “It’s just a harmless pill,” someone assured COB. That someone was obviously an agent of SMERSH.
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Ha ha ha ha. First of all, I thought u scientologists aren’t supposed to take any drugs. 2nd, shouldn’t there be some kind of punishment. And still, I don’t think ambien is a good excuse for beating up people and doing stupid shit.
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