Church of Scientology to Install Toilet Paper Dispensers in Ideal Orgs

TP.Dispenser

In response to a recent survey of Scientology parishioners, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered all Ideal Orgs to install for-pay toilet paper dispensers. This will allow Scientologists to purchase either coarse of fine grade sheets of toilet paper.

“For the Church of Scientology to just give toilet paper away for free would be completely out exchange,” explained Ken Delusion, Executive Director of Bowel Movementology.  “And so COB decided to offer coarse and fine grades of toilet paper. The fine grade toilet paper is “highly deluxe movie star grade toilet paper” and obviously costs a small fortune. This is the stuff Tom Cruise uses.”

“The coarse grade stuff is an economy tissue we purchase from Bulgravia. Made from recycled asphalt dyed white, it is rough but much cheaper. It is perfect for downstat Scientologists who lack the wherewithal and reach to afford the fine toilet paper.”

5 responses to “Church of Scientology to Install Toilet Paper Dispensers in Ideal Orgs

  1. ” Made from recycled asphalt dyed white” LOL.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Scientology = the science of bowel movements.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. At my Ideal Org there was a vile Joker & Degrader attack in the washrooms. Some SP installed a bin filled with corn cobs next to our brand new ‘coarse and fine pay-for toilet paper dispensers. They labeled it ‘COB dispenser’. The cobs sort of kick it old school (even more nostalgic than the Sears catalog era) and they are rough as hell but they are free. As soon as our Ethics Officer gets off both of his moonlighting jobs and returns to his post, a full investigation will be launched to get to the bottom of this, so to speak.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. just a charmin idea

    Like

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