“If you’re stuck on the toilet, then surely you’ll be stuck on your Bridge as well,” declared Dr. Juan Diego San Kool de Menthol, New OTVIII, three L’s completions, OEC/FEBC with gold star, and Clearwater’s leading colon cleaning expert.
“Itsa technical fact that constipation will leave the Scientologist unsessionable. The only answer is my patented and RTC-approved Scientology Super Purification Colon Cleanser! This product is guaranteed to instantly blow all stops and withholds in the colon.
“Moreover, this product is so good that it actually handles constipation on the wholetrack! All past life constipation engrams are *POW!* gone! At only $1,259.95 for a tw0-week supply, this miraculous all natural herbal treatment will bring about relief from even the most obdurate constipation.
“As can be seen in the before and after photos below, this global ecclesiastical leader was severely constipated, bloated, flatulent and was always stuck in a suppressive valence as a result. Although his staff would not tell him for fear of being beaten or struck about their heads, the leader’s chronic flatulence was far worse than the stench of the portable toilets at a NASCAR race on a hot summer day.
“Whereupon, after one treatment of Scientology Super Purification Colon Cleanser, this global ecclesiastical leader became uptone and happy. His pants fit better and gone are the embarrassing skid-marks in his pantaloons that had so bedeviled him. You too can have these same miracle results. Order today and receive a free copy of my booklet Super Power Colon Clearing for Clears!”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Unfortunately for the Global Ecclesiastic Leader, Dr. Kool de Menthol’s nostrum works rather *too* well. Never mind the ‘Before’ and ‘After’, it’s the ‘Later’ COB RTC needs to worry about:
LikeLiked by 1 person
Congratulations to Krusty Alley on ridding herself of her entire inventory of Organic Lesions. In what other cult/church could a person convert 16 tons of horse laxative into an allowable tax deduction. Well played Krusty and good luck COB. Grab those copper rods and blow some real charge. Remember, you can’t leave the office until the paperwork is done…that’s if you have any paper.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Re: … this product is so good that it actually handles constipation on the wholetrack!
I never realized just how much of a Present Time Problem (“PTP”) constipation can be for a Pre-Clear (“PC”). Scientology Super Purification Colon Cleanser (“SSPCC”) helps me, without fail, get that Floating Needle (“F/N”) at the end of running a series of constipated, painful chains. With SSPCC, those engrams are *K-POUW* gone!
LikeLike
Dr. Strabismus, the good Dr. Kool de Menthol cannot be blamed; COB having ordered him to create a product with extreme speed of particle flow. Nevertheless, and to abate future emergencies involving high velocity papal ejecta, Dr. Kool de Menthol is back his laboratory formulating a GAT II Time Release Scientology Super Purification Colon Cleanser.
LikeLike
Something is amiss here, I just know it. I don’t care if Dr. Juan Diego San Kool de Menthol, New OTVIII, three L’s completions, OEC/FEBC with gold star has developed this amazing colon cleanser or not. Any RTC sec checker worth his fixed, dedicated, KSW glare has the ability to liquefy a PC’s bowels with a single phrase, “I’m not auditing you”, thereby eliminating any constipation issues a PC may have. The fact is, Dr. Juan Diego San Kool de Menthol, New OTVIII, three L’s completions, OEC/FEBC with gold star is a mere public Scientologist trying to make a few easy bucks and as such is criminally undermining RTC’s ability to make money and keep the faithful in-ethics. Everyone knows sec checks and IAS Status upgrades are where the money and case gain reside. His MEST based solution to getting PCs up the Bridge is squirrel. In fact, who even needs the Bridge when IAS Statusus are so fun and easy to come by (buy?). I haven’t seen anything this out-tech since Kingsley Wimbush started his de-dinging squirrel tech back in the 80s. I wish Dr. Juan Diego San Kool de Menthol, New OTVIII, three L’s completions, OEC/FEBC with gold star every success as he completes his A-E and starts over with the Comm Course and Student Hat. Maybe he will get it right this time. Let’s just say ca-ching is the new de-ding; only on-Source and in-Tech.
LikeLike
Captain David Miscavige urgently needs a colon cleanser, because he is full of SH*T !!
LikeLike