“This latest Philboard wouldn’t have happened had the tough new ‘Scientology Pre-Crime Thought Law’ been in place,” explained Ken Delusion, VP of Media Relations for Scientology Media Productions of the Eastern United States Continent (which continent does not include Canada; Canada being a part of the Continent of New York).
“Under the new Scientology Pre-Crime Thought Law in Florida, it is a serious crime to have negative thoughts about Scientology, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige, Tom Cruise, Disconnection, etc.
“As a sovereign nation of thetans,” Delusion noted, “we as Scientologists must work to enact and enforce laws that prevent the corrosive exposure of our workable technologies, enthusiastically brutal fundraising, and the overall life of indentured servitude that we palm off on Scientologists as being states of Clear and OT.
“In happier news,” Delusion added, “Flag’s acclaimed R6 Bistro is now serving an ‘all you can eat’ buffet on Friday night graduations. Featuring meatloaf, cheeseburgers, pizza, macaroni and cheese, fried taters, OT pudding, and yes, Flag’s famous palmetto bug jello salad, the all you can eat buffet is a carb-laden feast designed to keep you sessionable and gaseous.”