Jesus Christ Joins Scientology’s Sea Org

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Admitting that Christianity doesn’t work because it is based upon a completely false supernaturalism, Jesus Christ today cut his hair, shaved off his beard, and joined Scientology’s Sea Org.

“Scientology is based upon science,” Jesus said, “whereas Christianity is based on faith.”

“And I’ve come to realize over the past two hundred years that I need to stop with the false supernaturalism and faith stuff and follow science instead. When I read Dianetics, I realized that Scientology is the world’s only real science. That’s why I’ve joined the Sea Org.”

Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion announced that new Sea Org member Jesus Christ has been assigned to Scientology’s Ideal Pacifica Base where he will work the  streets of Hollywood as a body router.

12 responses to “Jesus Christ Joins Scientology’s Sea Org

  1. So, when he gets OT8 super powers, will he be able to part the Red Sea?

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    • “Jesus is in the Sea Org,” said Ken Delusion. “In practical terms, this means he will never get his Bridge.”

      “Sure, we promised Jesus his Bridge for free when he signed his billion year contract,” said Delusion, “but that’s just something we say to everyone to convince them to join the Sea Org.”

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  2. That illustration wouldn’t be filched from an old copy of the ‘Plain Truth’, would it? Scientology may expect the terrible vengeance of Herbert W. Armstrong (the Second Elijah) and his hordes!

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    • While we may have outsourced this particular image without attribution, only some really incredibly old Armstrongite such as yourself would catch our petty weekend plunder. And we accept battle with you wretched pack of Anglo-Israelism-believing louts!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I recall receiving a brief letter from Flag Letter Registrar named Jesus a few years ago. It all makes sense now. OMG!

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  4. I understand Jesus is under direct orders from Capt. Miscavige not to perform any miracles with the beans and rice. The Captain is open to a water into Macallan miracle though.

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  5. Jesus gets his scientology on…thanks Obama.

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  6. What a friend we have in R6.

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  7. I am now so joked and degraded I have to go to the ER.

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