…Tony Ortega reported that ex-Scientologist Lisa Marie Presley, the daughter of Elvis Presley and former wife of late pop legend Michael Jackson, has been plotting to covertly undermine the leadership of the Church of Scientology…

Lisa Marie refuses to obey Fleet Admiral David Miscavige’s authoritay!

We in RTC can confirm that Lisa Marie Presley has been plotting with others to covertly undermine the leadership, stature, and greatness of Fleet Admiral David Miscavige, the Lord High Protector of Teegeeack.

For her crimes,  Lisa Marie has been declared a Suppressive Person. Her only terminal is the IJC. It is hoped that Lisa Marie will come to her
senses, recant, and do Steps A-E rather. As it stands now, Lisa Marie has thrown away her eternity, her eligibility for OT IX and OT X, and has forfeited all certs and IAS statuses. The enormity of losing one’s IAS status cannot be understated.

“As a result of increased suppression, a shocking, unprecedented, and highest-ever 47x wave of SP Declares is coming,” warned Mr. Ken Delusion, CO OSA Purges Bureaux. “Fleet Admiral Miscavige and Vice Admiral Tom Cruise will very soon be declaring 2.5% of the Church’s 1,200,000,000 members in a housecleaning of epic proportions the likes of which has not been seen since the Missionholder Massacre of 1982 by the Int Finance Police under the heroic leadership of Mr. Miscavige.”

“The Fleet Admiral has kept the door open just a crack. Scientologists who are in on the plot to undermine Fleet Admiral Miscavige have 72 hours to turn themselves in to OSA 2, confess their crimes, and give OSA 2 a full write up and debrief on their fellow plotters. To reiterate, the enormity of losing one’s exalted IAS status cannot be understated.”

Illustration: Jack Chick