“Even after COB personally and extensively edited and corrected the manifold errors, mistakes, and problems in Dianetics, the 1950 book remains unreadable, ponderous, and unbelievable in every way,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion.
“Surveys have shown that fully 99.999% of the world’s population does not know what an ‘engram’ is and has no desire to word clear the term,” Delusion noted. “Moreover, engrams are not where the real action is in Scientology anyway. Truth be told, the Church actually loses money on every engram it audits. Flag lost tens of millions of shekels last year by allowing lower level pc’s to blather away for endless hours about their engrams. To this point, COB will be announcing dramatic new plans for the GAT III Bridge on this blog in the very near future.”
“Frankly speaking, Delusion added, “auditing engrams is a complete waste of time and money — and this explains why COB was so quick to sign Dianetics licenses for the Nation of Islam. The Nation seems to like Book One auditing and they are welcome to it. The real action and big money on the Church of Scientology side of things is up there on SOLO NOTs.”
“For these reasons and more, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has completely rewritten the Founder’s hopeless 1950’s tome and is issuing it anew as Dianetics II, the David Miscavige OT Edition. Whereupon it is mandatory that every Scientologist purchase two copies. And of course it goes without saying that the big IAS fundraise begins now to place Dianetics II into all 111,290,454,819 libraries in the world.”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
I think all libraries across the world should become IDEAL before being allowed to stock this version of Dianetics. Enclosed is my check for $1000 so I am the first CardCatalog Maximus!
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Attention CI naysayers and suppressive persons reading this blog:
Before we hear from anyone contesting the factual validity of 111.3 billion libraries by pointing out the population of the Earth as somewhere south of 8 billion, let us point out our Chairman, Svengali Dave, is extending the aim of this final perfected breakthrough edition of the founder’s original less than perfect technology to all 76 planets comprising the original Galactic Federation. Contractual terms concerning the method of exchange are in their final stages of discussion.
So when you see Svengali Dave talk about 76x expansion, let the apostate Rinder be reminded, COB is talking planets not people.
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Will there be a rich, corinthian leather edition?
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about time!
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The restrooms of all 111,290,454,819 libraries in the world will be well supplied with Dianetics II. I only hope it’s softer and more absorbent than the original.
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softness and absorbency are for panty waste dilettantes! On Source and Command Intention oriented Scientologists are not afraid of rashes, abrasions and paper cuts on their nether regions! BLOOD MAKES THE GRASS GROW!!! ETHICS ETHICS ETHICS!!!
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Captain Dave is working on Dianetics III at this very moment! It will be titled “Degeneretics” as it will help people degenerate down to the level of Captain Dave!! Yes you too can be a toxic, violent dwarf hatemonger just like Captain Dave!!
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