In order to ensure a supply of cheap gasoline to Scientology’s Ideal Org gas stations and mini-marts, Imam David Miscavige recently traveled to Syria and negotiated an oil deal with ISIS for $20 per barrel gasoline.

“The MV Freewinds is being converted into a gasoline tanker as we speak,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Moreover, COB has purchased a fleet of Panamanian-flagged tankers from ship-breaking yards in Alang, India.”

“Because these ships were destined to be broken up and scrapped, COB was able to purchase them for a bargain. With a few million man-hours of Sea Org labor, these ships will be ferrying ISIS gasoline to Scientology service stations in a matter of months.”

Religious scholar Reza Aslan has applauded the Scientology-ISIS cooperation as, “a milestone in modern ecumenical relations.”