If one were to believe all of the nonsense on the internet these days, one would think that David Miscavige is a monster and that the Church of Scientology is the Titanic going nose down on into the Atlantic.
One of the favorite wild-eyed SP myths in play maintains that David Miscavige will abscond with a great fortune and then disappear into a non-extradition tax haven after the US Department of Justice charges him with a long list of crimes.
We in RTC wish to assure the general public this particular fantasy is complete nonsense. While it is true that Mr. Miscavige is a citizen of the world and would be an honored guest in any non-extradition country that values upstats, the fact is that “home” for COB is wherever he lays his head down to sleep at night, this as his many journeys take him all over the globe.
Another SP myth we wish to dispel is the one which portrays David Miscavige as a narcissistic sadist whose tyrannical and dictatorial power over the Church of Scientology is so absolute and beyond challenge due to his legal stranglehold over the Church and the cowardice and docile sheep-like nature of Scientology parishioners.
This outlandish falsehood has been perpetrated by bitter defrocked apostates who claim to have “personally” worked with COB. However, when we consider that Mr. Miscavige has to do all the work himself, it becomes clear that no one has ever worked with him.
No, the truth is that David Miscavige is just an ordinary Sea Org member who leads a life of uncommon devotion to the Church.
“Cheerful Dave” as he is called in the Church, is always happy to pitch in and help with a kind word when he is not busy painting himself into a corner.
Why just this morning Dave fixed the copier machine when it broke after copying about a million legal documents for the dozens of overpaid wog attorneys working day and night here in the RTC War Room OSA Legal.
Now that we have dispelled a few of the many false rumors we in RTC once again remind all Scientology parishioners that the internet is a dangerous and filthy place and that we will all be better off as a group by completing our Basics as soon as possible.
By way of summarizing in order to conclude, COB RTC David Miscavige promises everyone that Super Power and GAT II will be open very soon so get ready to be blown fifty feet out of your head!
“Hey stop it! Don’t take my picture when I’m not ready!” COB says as he jokes with his co-workers.
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
We in OSA Legal have taken note of the fact that Shopzilla is now engaging in criminal J&D at the Scientology-hating Ortega blog:
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And worse, Howard Stern mocks Scientology parishioners on his radio show:
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As an ex Sea Ogre I will not HEAR a bad word said about David Miscavige,mainly from contracting industrial deafness working long hours at Bridge publications,endless games of musical chairs with Queen songs blaring and the constant beatings around the head.
Keep fighting the good fight 8
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Up three whole bra sizes in as many months? Either COB’s retaining water like a camel in preparation for his imminent moonlight flit, or his overuse of steroids as a teenager is coming home to roost with a vengeance! Now recite after me, Davy: “I must, I must, I MUST have a firmer bust!”
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A human interest story such as this is long overdue. Working closely with our new PR firm, we believe doing a complete 180 and appealing to wog emotions and building sympathy for COB by portraying him as “Dave” is the way to go. Wogs are notoriously sympathetic to underdogs and those persecuted for their religious beliefs.
All press releases will hence forth refer to COB as “Dave”, the copier repair guy who works for Scientology. We’ll build a ton of empathy for this hard working, friendly, folksy little guy. He loves people. He loves to tinker. He would just prefer to be left alone to practice his religion in his own way.
“Emperor Miscaviage” is henceforth reserved for dealing with heads of state and other world religious luminaries. “Fleet Admiral Miscaviage” will be reserved for SO events when COB is in full military regalia.
If Tony Ortega would do his journalistic due diligence and take a look at your post today, then perhaps give it the same attention and coverage he provides to the bitter, defrocked apostates…we could melt away decades of suppression in one fell swoop.
Dave has the kind of face and smile any wog mother could love.
Excellent work.
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“By way of summarizing in order to conclude”, what a great Shermanism.
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Dave is a lovely man, and I wish him all the best for his future too. When the time comes and he goes to prison I will be sure to have him share a cell with Big Jessie. BJ will provide warmth and special care for Dave, his “hands on ” welcome will be something Dave will never forget.
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OT8 i’ve been a long time fan of yours.
your dialogue and shoops are so straight and dead on, they are simply brilliant.
and your output rivals LRH. simply incredible.
much respect to you.
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Ummm…it seems as though COB has grown BREASTS! Spectacular!
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